#1
Roll the carpet into the vacuum room
So the fleas can’t breathe
And the backwards, sucking, distorted
Cries halt without beginning
And abrupt end.
Rolling paper balls like tumbleweeds
In a desert so spotlessly
Homely and desolate;
So comely and corduroy
It builds and implodes.
Rolled up magazines into the busted drain
Pipes to keep dirt and stones
From spoiling the impeccable
Linoleum; from water stains
To Doppler waves.
#2
Nice flow, no idea what the meaning is, but I'm guessing you were going for that. Nice job.
Your head slowly caves in from the compression
#3
it seems like your trying a little too hard to make the title strange... maybe just corduroy waves, or waves on the linoleum, or even linoleum waves. Altogether i think its a little too much
#4
But the only strange part is corduroy waves...linoleum isn't strange...
Thank you for your opinion though.