Page 1 of 5
#1
I saw this somewhere, you guys got any ?

So here's how the fight started:

I rear-ended a car this morning.

So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of the car... and you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed and life-stuff seems to get funny?

Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it... he was a DWARF!

He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says, "I AM NOT HAPPY!"

So, I look down at him and say, "Well, which one are you then?"

and that's when the fight started..
#2
Did you know hellen keller had a treehouse in her backyard?
Neither did she.
How did her parents punish her?
They rearranged the furniture.
How did she masturbate?
One hand was for masturbating, the other for moaning.
Why couldn't she drive?
She was a woman.
Quote by Chikitty_China
Good lord. You are amazing.



Quote by Jestersage
It's stereo amp, and I don't think it's tube. However, for a stereo amp, it is very good. Don't plug guitar into it; just use it as hi-fi if it works.
#5
Quote by closertofreewil



Fuck beat me to it.
Play the man, Master Ridley; we shall this day light such a candle, by God's grace, in England, as I trust shall never be put out.
#6
Quote by gopherthegreat
what do you call someone who is so drunk they mistake their sister for their wife?

irish.


slightly offensive


I'm very irish, i find that funny.
Quote by Dog454
Zakk Wylde is a Viking, and history has proven that you cannot own Vikings, it's impossible.


POKER..UG
#7
Why did Hellen Keller's dog kill itself?

You would kill yourself too if your name was AAAARRAAGHARRGH
#8
Know what's funnier than 10 babies nalied to a tree?


1 baby nailed to 10 trees.
I've got a bike you can ride it if you like
#10
what goes *fizz* *fizz* *pop*?

2 babies in toxic waste

i feel like such an ass whenever i say that
BASSLINES TO MAKE YOUR CHEST CAVITY SHUDDER.
#11
whats blue and flies around the room?
A dead baby with a punctured lung
Quote by Chikitty_China
Good lord. You are amazing.



Quote by Jestersage
It's stereo amp, and I don't think it's tube. However, for a stereo amp, it is very good. Don't plug guitar into it; just use it as hi-fi if it works.
#12
how many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?

depends on how hard you throw them.

what's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Ferarri?

A Ferrari isn't in my garage.
There are a lot of things that should be said so we're hammering six strings.
Machine gun in our ample voices; this is the party we came for.
#13
Whats small pink and crawls up your leg?

a homesick abortion


pretty messed up

but funny
c4c


Quote by ckellingc


So I threw a rock at her.

Fuck heelies.
#14
whats the difference between a bag of dead babies and a ferarii?

ive never been in a ferarri
#15
Somehow I find the dead baby "jokes" somewhat annoying, and not very funny at all.
I believe in Rock and Roll. Can I get an Amen?

Quote by rizo299
A drunk guy on the the bus asked me if i remembered the 60's. I told him i was 17 then he told me that everyone remembers the 60's.

I thought about it, and frankly, I couldn't fault his logic.
#16
Have you ever seen a picture of Hellen Keller's dad?

Neither has she.


Quote by original_idiot
Somehow I find the dead baby "jokes" somewhat annoying, and not very funny at all.


Then leave this thread.
#17
why is stevie wonder always smiling?
he doesn't know he's black

and similar to the furniture hellen keller joke:
how do hellen keller's parents punish her?
they leave the plunger in the toilet

What's the difference between a sandwich and a dead baby?
I don't f*ck a sandwich before I eat it.


these were taken from another thread


My mind is going. I can feel it.
#18
I think I saw this somewhere on here but whatev.

So I was doing this chick really hard and she's moaning and she screams out , "Ohh, the pain is excruciating!!!"

and I'm all... "my my my, excruciating is a mighty big word for a 12 year old"

ok maybe it's extremely offensive.
#19
Quote by farcry
I saw this somewhere, you guys got any ?

So here's how the fight started:

I rear-ended a car this morning.

So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of the car... and you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed and life-stuff seems to get funny?

Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it... he was a DWARF!

He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says, "I AM NOT HAPPY!"

So, I look down at him and say, "Well, which one are you then?"

and that's when the fight started..

I'm sorry, but that was a ****ing epic win.
#20
A black baby dies and goes to heaven.
As the angels are putting wings on him, he asks expectantly "Am I an angel now???"

To this, the angels reply, "Hell no!! you're a BAT!"
Needlenick wrote:

Dave Grohl has officially literally done everything.
#22
Quote by original_idiot
Somehow I find the dead baby "jokes" somewhat annoying, and not very funny at all.



Me too, I don't find them funny at all. I am not offended by them, I just think they are stupid and not funny. I shall own this thread; I have a book on offensive jokes.

I'm only going to put two, because I don't want to get banned. Please, if anyone is offended, or these are bannable jokes due to there content, let me know, and I will remove them immediately. Okay there is my disclaimer.


How do you know Adam and Eve weren't black? Ever tried to take a rib from a black man.

Did you hear about the Greek boy who left home because he didn't like the way he was being reared? He came back because he couldn't leave his brothers behind.

Quote by Senor Kristian
Viking fact no. 1: Viking helmets did not have horn.
Viking fact no. 2: Vikings tobogganed on their shields into battle.
Viking fact no. 3: Vikings drank mead.
Viking fact no. 4: One of your ancestors are likely to have been raped by a viking.
#24
Quote by Cedarock
what's worse than finding a worm in your apple?


the holocaust


..?
#25
Quote by scarfacesuit
A black baby dies and goes to heaven.
As the angels are putting wings on him, he asks expectantly "Am I an angel now???"

To this, the angels reply, "Hell no!! you're a BAT!"


as ****ed up as that is....
Gear
-Ibanez RG321 ( /w D-Sonic)
-Agile AL-3100 (/w Custom + '59)
-Yamaha FG730S
-Crybaby 535Q
-Keeley TS-9
-ISP Decimator
-B-52 AT-212
Quote by Mental-lica
My hats off to you mr. lanzaa and you can put this in your sig

M en
E jaculating
T o
A wful
L yrics
#26
What's the proper way to eat a vegetable?

No special way, really ...


... just be very careful about the life support equipment, spread her legs, start munching.
Meadows
Quote by Jackal58
I release my inner liberal every morning when I take a shit.
Quote by SK8RDUDE411
I wont be like those jerks who dedicate their beliefs to logic and reaosn.
#27
Quote by Cedarock
what's worse than finding a worm in your apple?


the holocaust


Quote by mh400nt
Me too man, I cant remember ever actually laughing out loud for ages due to the internet, omegasus is just....hes just awesome


Quote by Smokey Amp
I'm pretty sure guys don't get breast cancer.
#28
on Comedy Central last night..

A black comedian was talking about how his mother took him and his brother skiing. He said it was very brave for a black woman to do such a thing.
"People didn't know what we were, coming down the mountain?"

white people: "whats that...oh! I think its...bears! Bears skiing down the mountain!"
O.S.I.


Part of the 7-string Legion

Check out my profile
and my 7-string Ernie Ball MM JP-7 build


#29
So Dimebag walks into a bar....
Quote by bassmanjoe08
I learned that there are easy ways to waste your life away when all you have is a computer and a world full of people putting new and interesting things on their boners.

Wow, I've been here for a while.
#30
How many midgets does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They just use their night vision.
Quote by mh400nt
Me too man, I cant remember ever actually laughing out loud for ages due to the internet, omegasus is just....hes just awesome


Quote by Smokey Amp
I'm pretty sure guys don't get breast cancer.
#31
What did God say when he created the first black person?

"Oh sh*t, I burnt one!"
Quote by Raven
i would much rather go to the ****ing hospital and have them surgically reattach my penis instead of slap some silly puddy on there and call 'er "mangled johnny"
#33
What's the difference between a black man and a pile of shit?

Even the pile of shit stops stinking after a while.
#34
Quote by angusmeetsjimi
What did God say when he created the first black person?

"Oh sh*t, I burnt one!"



What did abraham lincoln say after his massive hangover?
"I freed WHO???!!!"

What noise do babies make right before they get sliced to death in a blender?
I don't know, I was too busy jerkin off!

How do you get the baby out of the blender?
TOSTITOS!!!


Best joke of all:

womens' rights.... (someone's gotta do it )
Quote by screamingfool34
people here are idiot.
Quote by Mr_H_MASTER
the only good wahs out there are Slashs, Zacks, and Dimebags.
Quote by evan1234567
im to tired and confused to comprehend what you said.
#35
Why was the Jew standing next to the chimney?
He was waiting for his friend.

Why do the shower heads at Auschwitz have twelve holes?
Because Jews only have ten fingers.

(Those two were made up by prisoners at Auschwitz. True story.)

What was the best thing Kurt Cobain ever released?
The safety.
Can't stop the signal.
Last edited by search49 at Oct 7, 2007,
#36
Quote by Cedarock
what's worse than finding a worm in your apple?


the holocaust


***FAIL

Quote by The Virtuoso
Me too, I don't find them funny at all. I am not offended by them, I just think they are stupid and not funny. I shall own this thread; I have a book on offensive jokes.

I'm only going to put two, because I don't want to get banned. Please, if anyone is offended, or these are bannable jokes due to there content, let me know, and I will remove them immediately. Okay there is my disclaimer.


How do you know Adam and Eve weren't black? Ever tried to take a rib from a black man.

Did you hear about the Greek boy who left home because he didn't like the way he was being reared? He came back because he couldn't leave his brothers behind.




***Double Fail
#38
You're not a girl, your a subspecies.

How can you fit 10 jews in a convertable?

1 driving, 1 in the passenger seat, 8 in the ashtray (sorry)
I actually do have schizophrenia, so stop making fun of people who have it.

GEAR:
Boss ME-50
Silvertone Paul Stanley Apocalypse (modded)
Squier Affinity Strat (modded)
Italia Modulo 2
Fender Front 15G
#39
Quote by original_idiot
Somehow I find the dead baby "jokes" somewhat annoying, and not very funny at all.


Then they are doing their job.
~ Gear ~
Epiphone Les Paul
Crate GX-80
Quote by Guitarist132
Finish the quote

"This is _______"
Quote by Aqua Dementia
SPAAAAAAAARRRRTTTAAA! No?
Quote by Guitarist132
Incorrect, the correct answer was papua new guinea

Quote by Aqua Dementia
Whoa, I'm in your sig.
#40
Quote by BanTheTubeTop
why did the baby drop its sucker?
it got hit by a truck


Signatures are too mainstream
Page 1 of 5