#1
i put a lot of emotion in this

please dont comment on misspellings and other grammatical errors

this is just something i scribbled down really quick

i just want to see if its any good

thanks


=


time is so abstract
never seem to keep track of it

we should live our lives
rid ourselves of these strives
to figure out, when we will pass

just passing through
when will i be through with my crys

crying never healed a wombed soul
but im not sure if i had one to begin

just an empty space between my lungs
my lungs begin to fail

failed attempts to dry my eyes
leaving scars of my remourse


more of this, more of that


self inflicted attacks dont do enough harm

just another to stack upon my shelf

knowing death was near never stoped it
i wish i could stop it

but it knows me better than i know my self

whom is my self

well i may never know

who am i to say what tomorrow holds

holding on to these thoughts
holding my self from falling apart

this part of my i cant contain
hoping it will throw its reign
before i go insane

just want to live a normal life
Last edited by bigbirdfan at Oct 7, 2007,
#2
Well there certainly are alot of technical errors, but you said not to.... The main meaning of it seems to switch around, try to focus on one thing. It doesn't have much of a flow in most parts, it looks like random sentences about a related topic thrown together, to be honest. I see where you're gonig with it, but it needs alot of work. Once it flows well, I think you'll be all set. Thanks for critting mine btw.
Your head slowly caves in from the compression