#1
OTS. C4C.


Untitled
I’ve bled the stone of prosperity in a lonely alleyway
And stained my hands red, painting a peaceful town.
Killed a Tokyo Rose because her sallow lips were bringing me down.
I stumbled down the courtyard calling my God’s name,
And kissed the Virgin Mary
Because her hallowed hips couldn’t bear my pain.
Drank Christ's blood for 40 days
And christened myself a God-damned saint.
#3
Untitled

I’ve bled the stone of prosperity in a lonely alleyway
And stained my hands red, painting a peaceful town.

The imagery in opening line is really nice and diction is good . However I am not fan of some words like "alleyway". person of your potential can come up with much more than
this. It can be me though . On the other hand the whole image of "painting a peaceful
town " was really thought provoking.

Killed a Tokyo Rose because her sallow lips were bringing me down.

This line is good but doesn't stand alone well as ccompared to the other opener but i guess in the middle it works

I stumbled down the courtyard calling my God’s name,
And kissed the Virgin Mary
Because her hallowed hips couldn’t bear my pain.
Drank Christ's blood for 40 days
And christened myself a God-damned saint.

Well line breaks works for u in some way other than that the ending mesage was really
good. It's a shame that it didn't recieved any feedback.
Hi