#1
Hi, I was just hoping for some helpful criticism.


look now babe is this what you really want?
Look past what you can see

I’ll tell ya girl just take my hand
and come away with me

I’ll show ya everything you wanna see
and so much more

I just wanna get you away from this
and give you everything that you deserve

come with me and you’ll get everything you’ll ever need.
Guitars:
PRS Custom 24
Gibson Les Paul 60's Tribute
85' MIJ Strat
97' Snakepit Les Paul
LP Traditional 1960 Zebra
MIJ Tele
MIA Strat

Amps:
Silver Jubilee 2525
Peavey Ultra 112
Jet City JCA50H
66' Bassman
Pink Paisley Princeton RV
74' Vibro Champ
#2
Uh it's not that great
and the fact that girls are the most common song topic doesnt help either

you might want to put in some figurative language, imagery or metaphors to make it better
since good poems/lyrics almost always have some poetic language in them
#3
thanks man
Guitars:
PRS Custom 24
Gibson Les Paul 60's Tribute
85' MIJ Strat
97' Snakepit Les Paul
LP Traditional 1960 Zebra
MIJ Tele
MIA Strat

Amps:
Silver Jubilee 2525
Peavey Ultra 112
Jet City JCA50H
66' Bassman
Pink Paisley Princeton RV
74' Vibro Champ
#5
look now little girl is this what you really want?
Look past the dream and tell me what you can see

with an open invitation just take my hand
and burn away your past,with me

I’ll show you a new reality,a better way
there's so much more that you could be

everything that holds you back,put it down
come away and get what you deserve

come with me and you’ll get everything you’ll ever need.


tried to follow yours closely just to give you ideas.though i am not really a fan of i can make things better for you baby lyrics
#6
Quote by sidereal9


though i am not really a fan of i can make things better for you baby lyrics


hahaha

I was gonna put that in my sig

but theres no more room