#1
CRIT4CRIT


Out Of Time

(Verse 1)
He's gone, across the seas
And she's home, crying herself to sleep
He came back just like he promised
But not the way she intended
In a casket, with medals upon his chest
A note in his hand, said, "tell her I did my best...
...I'll love her 'till death"
...and she cried...


(Chorus)
Open my eyes
Show me a sign
God answer, why...
Open my eyes
Show me the light
God answer, why I've run out of time?


That's all i have for now...This was inspired from my friend's wife after finding out her husband died in the navy...the question is meant to ask God why she ran out of time to be with him so quickly...so in honor of him and her i started writing this...I just don't want it to suck before I actually put music to it...

So in honor of him------Accelerate Your Life-------you'll be missed "Otis", you were like my older brother.


Crit4Crit
Quote by cpt_pimp
my last fail was breaking up with my gf.

that's going to suck for a while


Quote by leg end
Well, not really haha!


Last edited by popeye100 at Oct 9, 2007,
#2
The line 'in a wooden box' actually made me laugh out loud (sorry).. it's just way too blunt unless this is meant to be comic (which I doubt).. perhaps if the listener was really upset by it then the bluntness would add to the very sad saddy sadness of the moment.

I really liked the chorus, especially show me the light, and why have i run out of time, etc. Really touching lines, seemed really genuine as well, so kudos to that (i dont know what kudos means, but if it means good work, then kudos).

Basically, nice, but I think on the verses you shouldn't try and make it so clearly obvious, you know, or if u do you need to be careful cos otherwise it might just sound like ass.

Good work though, man, update me when it's finished.

Crit myn? - https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=687727
#3
yeah i didnt like the wooden box thing either im still thinkin though
Quote by cpt_pimp
my last fail was breaking up with my gf.

that's going to suck for a while


Quote by leg end
Well, not really haha!


#4
this whole point of the first verse that i'm trying to make is what happened...then in the second verse I'm goona try and tell what their lives were like, through her eyes before he left... then I might like repeat the first verse toward the end... but you should get the whole point once finished...
Quote by cpt_pimp
my last fail was breaking up with my gf.

that's going to suck for a while


Quote by leg end
Well, not really haha!