#1
im writing an essay for my English class but im not very good at writing and my teacher is a very hard grader -_- could you guys help me out with the grammar or some suggestions in how to improve my writing? like changet thsi to blah blah that kind of help

any help is appreciated


Videogame violence is a very controversial topic; many people believe that aggressive behavior is directly related to playing videogames. The research I would be doing is trying to find out how videogames influence the behavior of people.

One of my hobbies is playing videogames. I have been playing since I was 5 years old I consider it to be a major part of my life. I have always wondered if videogames have affected my behavior at all. This research would help me to understand the effects that playing videogames have on others and myself and see if my behavior has been affected by playing videogames a little This would help me further understand the effects of videogames and very intriguing subject because it deals a little with the argument nature vs. nurture but the difference here is that there’s actual research and facts making the subject researchable pointing if people who played video games are more aggressive or could become more aggressive in the future. I would try to compare it with other type of media such as violent movies, or violent music see how much of an effect it has and see if the actual problem just lies on the violence itself or if the way that is portrayed makes a difference for example videogames are more interactive and movies is more passive since the audience is watching the movie and not interacting at the level of videogames by doing this the variables are isolated and allows us to pinpoint the problem more specifically.


my essay has to include some kind of background since this is a proposal for my research topic
#2
First of all, change the introductory paragraph. More specifically, the last sentence. Most professors don't want you to use phrases like "In this paper I'm going to tell you about..." or "My paper is going to focus on..."

Make it exciting. Say something like "Did you know that videogames can actually influence the behavior of people? According to my research, it really can."

Or something. Y'know.

Hmm... divide the second passage into a few smaller paragraphs. That makes it easier to read.

And don't shy away from using little bits of humor here and there. I mean, the whole paper doesn't need to be one big roflcopter, but wittiness never hurts.
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Last edited by K-Lizzle at Oct 9, 2007,
#3
For essays:
The easiest way to make sure that your writing is good is to read it aloud to yourself as you go along. Ideally it should sound like somebody speaking to you either to 1) inform or 2) pursued, depending on what the goal of your paper is.

If it sounds like a robot when you read it, go back in and add some human form to it. If it sounds too intellectual, chop it up a bit.

Can't give you any advice on grammar. My degree is in creative writing. I leave editing to the computer or people who give a ****.
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#4
Oh **** man, I had a like 5 page essay on that exact thing last year that I got a 95% on. I erased it though, sorry.
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#5
Are u trying to find research to go along with this? If so got to www.gamepolitics.com they'll probably have some stuff. If u look back into some of the archives, u can find a study conducted by the BBFC that compared videogames to movies and Tv. That might help.
#6
Are u trying to find research to go along with this? If so got to www.gamepolitics.com they'll probably have some stuff. If u look back into some of the archives, u can find a study conducted by the BBFC that compared videogames to movies and Tv. That might help.


k i appreciate link sicnei have to do 1000 word paper later on this one is supposed to be my proposal about 250 word



For essays:
The easiest way to make sure that your writing is good is to read it aloud to yourself as you go along. Ideally it should sound like somebody speaking to you either to 1) inform or 2) pursued, depending on what the goal of your paper is.

If it sounds like a robot when you read it, go back in and add some human form to it. If it sounds too intellectual, chop it up a bit.

Can't give you any advice on grammar. My degree is in creative writing. I leave editing to the computer or people who give a ****.


my problem is that im grade more in structure than ideas


First of all, change the introductory paragraph. More specifically, the last sentence. Most professors don't want you to use phrases like "In this paper I'm going to tell you about..." or "My paper is going to focus on..."


i know what you mean but "did you know" sounds kind of corny and is overused as well and the essay is supposed to be a proposal not necessarily an essay explaining the effects of video game violence thats for my 1000 words paper and the way my teacher is he would easily get offended. he is very delicate like that
#7
in your first setence make it so that it catches peoples attetion make it interesting and it has to have your main point in it.

::type
#8
-Change the last sentence in the intro to a fact or statement, try not to use 'I' so much.
-'I have been playing since I was 5 years old I consider it to be a major part of my life"run on sentence
-change 'would' to 'will'
-This research would help me to understand the effects that playing video games have on others and myself and see if my behavior has been affected by playing videogames a little. This would help me further understand the effects of videogames and very intriguing subject because it deals a little with the argument nature vs. nurture but the difference here is that there’s actual research and facts making the subject researchable pointing if people who played video games are more aggressive or could become more aggressive in the future., makes no sense at all.
-put another paragraph in
-try various ways to start your sentences.
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#9
If it's a high school paper, don't use first person at all. no "I's" or "You's". This seems like it would be a bitch, but it's actually pretty easy to fix. Like, for the first part, instead of saying "One of my hobbies is playing videogames. I have been playing since I was 5 years old I consider it to be a major part of my life. I have always wondered if videogames have affected my behavior at all." Sya something like "Playing videogames is a favorite hobby of people all over the world. Many have been playing for the better parts of their lives, and this is raising concern on whether or not it affects a person's behavior."

Relate to the world instead of to yourself. Unless it's a personal narrative. Changing stuff around like this makes your paper sound WAY better.
#10
-Change the last sentence in the intro to a fact or statement, try not to use 'I' so much.
-'I have been playing since I was 5 years old I consider it to be a major part of my life"run on sentence
-change 'would' to 'will'
-This research would help me to understand the effects that playing video games have on others and myself and see if my behavior has been affected by playing videogames a little. This would help me further understand the effects of videogames and very intriguing subject because it deals a little with the argument nature vs. nurture but the difference here is that there’s actual research and facts making the subject researchable pointing if people who played video games are more aggressive or could become more aggressive in the future., makes no sense at all.
-put another paragraph in
-try various ways to start your sentences.


i did some changes and turned my essay. thanks for help

i would appreciated if you guys could give me some tips in writing im really really bad at it since english is not my 1st languange and i never learned grammar in spanish or in english

so any puntuaction tips or anything grammar related is appreciated