#1
A very direct story-song I wrote about a story I heard about a cousin of a friend of a friend who got raped, got pregnant, got depressed, and commited suicide. Yeah, I know, not too happy...but, whatchya gonna do?

Bleed Back Into Me

Verse:
She stares out into the sky
Thinkin' 'bout her innocence laid to rest
And the dirty feeling that she gets
When she feels that movement below her chest
She knows full well that there's a way
To make everything almost just as well
But her parents keep in telling her
It would give her a free ride to Hell

Verse:
Dad says considering the way you dressed
I think you got what you deserved
She tries yelling back at him
You can't understand the way this hurts
It feels like my pure white soul
Has taken the dark brown shade of dirt
And then she screams it one more time
You can't understand the way this hurts

Chorus:
Take what you shed and let it bleed back into me
Before this shell is all that's left for us to see
I wait for God to come and set me free
Take what you shed and let it bleed back into me

Verse:
She thinks about that look he had
Of lust and hunger, hate and greed
And as she tosses in the night
It's the only thing that she can see
She feels empty as she can
Filthy from the inside out
Waking from a poor night's sleep
Into the dark she starts to shout

(Chrous)

Bridge:
And now she tells herself
There's only one way to let go
I'll finally fly just like an angel
Come on down now, take me home

(Chorus)
#2
Not bad. It doesn't have a great flow to it in most parts though. Maybe if it's one of those songs where it's more of talking than singing, it'd be good, other than that, you need to make it flow better. The meaning is good, and rhymes are alright. Mostly jus change the flow, maybe change the rhymes of some parts at the same time.
Your head slowly caves in from the compression
#3
Quote by Devil_Duck
A very direct story-song I wrote about a story I heard about a cousin of a friend of a friend who got raped, got pregnant, got depressed, and commited suicide. Yeah, I know, not too happy...but, whatchya gonna do?

Bleed Back Into Me

Verse:
She stares out into the sky
Thinkin' 'bout her innocence laid to rest
And the dirty feeling that she gets
When she feels that movement below her chest good start
She knows full well that there's a way
To make everything almost just as well
But her parents keep in telling her
It would give her a free ride to Hell
Fine

Verse:
Dad says considering the way you dressed
I think you got what you deserved
She tries yelling back at him
You can't understand the way this hurts nice
It feels like my pure white soul
Has taken the dark brown shade of dirt
I don't really like this colours bit since the girl is the one saying it, otherwise it would be fine
And then she screams it one more time
You can't understand the way this hurts

Chorus:
Take what you shed and let it bleed back into me
Before this shell is all that's left for us to see
I wait for God to come and set me free
Take what you shed and let it bleed back into me
Um....I'm not really sure what this means but it sounds good, the same ryhme on every line might not work so well though

Verse:
She thinks about that look he had
Of lust and hunger, hate and greed
And as she tosses in the night
It's the only thing that she can see
She feels empty as she can what?
Filthy from the inside out
Waking from a poor night's sleep
Into the dark she starts to shout
This verse is my favourite part
(Chrous)

Bridge:
And now she tells herself
There's only one way to let go
I'll finally fly just like an angel
Finally fly? Was she wanting to before?
Come on down now, take me home

(Chorus)


A pretty blunt approach as you said, would of been nice if it was slightly less direct, but it was a pretty difficult topic that you covered without sounding cheesy at all so good job.