#1
A wind of fresh air floats by,
In the sky the sun breaks through clear to our eyes,
and i see that blue ocean storms across the shore,

and it wont be long,
till all of this is gone,
in the forest, in the air,
in the skies above,

threatened by devil's, snakes in the trees,
a black tar burns,
raining on our peace,

so stand strong,
mighty and proud,
fight for the future of this world,

they brainwash us,
tell us whats right and wrong,
violence blood war and terror,
plastered to our eyes,

will we ever know where the truth lies?

so stand strong,
mighty and proud,
fight for the future of this world,

and the forest breathes on,
and the sun shines through the sky,

what we we breathe and who we love,
lost in war to the greed,
but we live on,
standing strong,
fighting till the futures gone,

i know the title sucks haha, but Crit 4 Crit
#2
I actually like it alot, depending on if its some type of metal/hardcore song, otherwise I can't see it working, but I'm sure it could. Nothing to really change, just some grammar, like "future's" not "futures", etc. Great job.
Your head slowly caves in from the compression
#3
its not really intended to be a heavy metal death metal type song, more so a rock n roll song, but thats for the comments and glad you liked it.
#4
This line really stuck out for me: "threatened by devil's, snakes in the trees"...not quite sure why, guess I just liked the religious reference

It's not bad, maybe a bit cliched, but still apart from a couple of grammatical errors...

However I thought this stanza was a bit cheesy:

"so stand strong,
mighty and proud,
fight for the future of this world,"

it might just be me, but it seemed like you hadn't thought for too long about how you were gonna word it

But that's me being ultra critical...as i said its a pretty decent effort, and the theme is clear which is good...sooo, yeah...

Cheers, Matt...
#5
Quote by Greg_23
A wind of fresh air floats by,
In the sky the sun breaks through clear to our eyes,
and i see that blue ocean storms across the shore, This doesn't make sense, typo?

and it wont be long,
till all of this is gone,
in the forest, in the air,
in the skies above,
I like this but maybe "from" instead of "in"would work better?

threatened by devil's, snakes in the trees, is it "devils, snakes" or "devil's snakes"?
a black tar burns,
raining on our peace,

so stand strong,
mighty and proud,
fight for the future of this world,
OK, but a bit cheesy

they brainwash us,
tell us whats right and wrong, perhaps "whats wrong" if it would fit, if not then this is still fine
violence blood war and terror,
plastered to our eyes,
I like this bit

will we ever know where the truth lies?

so stand strong,
mighty and proud,
fight for the future of this world,

and the forest breathes on, I'm not sure since you used it to start the chorus (or what I assume is the chorus) but "so" instead of "and" might be good since you're kinda changing how you're talking about it
and the sun shines through the sky,

what we we breathe I like this and who we love,
lost in war to the greed,
but we live on,
standing strong,
fighting till the futures gone,

A quite positive ending to a quite negative song, I like it since it doesn't leave me feeling too bad

i know the title sucks haha, but Crit 4 Crit


It's quite good if you clear up the few issues that I think are typos, though I agree that it would work better as a heavier song.

Nice job
Last edited by 7 or Open at Oct 10, 2007,