#1
Crit 4 Crit


Out Of Time

(Verse1)
He's gone, across seas
She's home, crying herself to sleep
He came back just like he promised
But not the way she intended
In a casket, with medals upon his chest
A note in his hand, said Tell her I did my best...
...And I'll love her 'till death...
And she cried...

(Chorus)
Open my eyes
Show me a sign
God answer why...
Open my eyes
Show me the light
God answer why I've run out of time

(Verse2)
They looked so good together
I thought they would last forever
But the end came too soon
Now she's sees his face in the moon
She cried to me, wishing he was here
I had nothing to say, so I wiped off her tears
I looked to the sky...
Then began to cry...

(Repeat Chorus)

(Bridge)
I've known him for a long time
He's always been there
But now he's gone, out of her life
Now he's gone, and out of mine
But he still remains in our eyes

(Repeat Chorus)X2


This is the finished version...keep in mind im still working on it... so give me some tips or some ideas of what you think would sound good...

CRIT4CRIT

CRIT4CRIT

CRIT4CRIT
Quote by cpt_pimp
my last fail was breaking up with my gf.

that's going to suck for a while


Quote by leg end
Well, not really haha!


Last edited by popeye100 at Oct 11, 2007,
#2
Really good, meaning is great, I respect all those soldiers. Anyways, songwise it is good too. The first line of the bridge has a grammar error, that may be slang and supposed to be there, but technically it should be "I've." Other than that, great job, flow is pretty good.
Your head slowly caves in from the compression
#3
I don't have anything for you to crit, but I really enjoyed reading this. I could paint a picture in my head of everything in the song. The feelings/emotions conveyed in this song is definitely its strength. Keep up the good work!!
#4
Thanx for the grammar error...i thought it didn't look right...I'll fix it...thanx for the crits guys
Quote by cpt_pimp
my last fail was breaking up with my gf.

that's going to suck for a while


Quote by leg end
Well, not really haha!