#1
My first song people

Title: The Pessimist

Genre: Scream/emo/metal

The Pessimist By Me (Reece Gayler, 15)

Screamed
I am the one who is ALONE.

Sung
I live alone in my darkened life
I cannot live with out her <

Screamed
She hates MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Sung
I try to speak but I just cryyyyy (fades)
Tearing apart my dreams
From the beginning to the end
She is the one to haunt me

Screamed
FOR ALL TIME <(held scream)

Sung Chorus
I live this life of fearrrrrr
I need her, She will never *WAAAAANT MEEE* (SCREAMED)
I AM THE PESSIMIST
I will be alone for my life ETERNAL (slow sung)
I fought for all worth believing on the punk rock barracades
#2
not very metal, ... at all. It's emo


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Last edited by lepermessiah22 at Oct 11, 2007,
#4
the way i wrote it was in a sorta of screamo style...with a BFMV influence so sorta metal
I fought for all worth believing on the punk rock barracades
#5
Quote by RCGAYLER
the way i wrote it was in a sorta of screamo style...with a BFMV influence so sorta metal


Meh, well, I see your point, and yes, sorta. I can't really crit the lyrics themselves tho, partly because I'm bad at it and partly because I hate emo
#6
i dont exactly like emo but BFMV have more explicit lyrics and are definatly better than the emo pop we seem to av lots of nowadays
I fought for all worth believing on the punk rock barracades
#7
Sorry man but I don't like it. There's no original lines in there except maybe the line I am the Pessimist, but everything else I've heard before so it just feels really generic. I've got no problem with the lyrical style though.
#9
Quote by RCGAYLER
the way i wrote it was in a sorta of screamo style...with a BFMV influence so sorta metal

screamo still isnt metal to be honest. If anything, it's hardcore.


LTD EX-351
Peavey 5150 head
Marshall 1960A
Boss NS-2 Noise Supressor
BBE 482i Sonic Maximizer
#10
Hmmm I've gotta be honest with you, I think you might need a little more work with the lyrics. Emo or anything that's emo-influenced is a vulnerable genre and if you dont write heavy lyrics it will look weak. At this point its kinda hard to look at the song as a whole since I dont know what the melody sounds like, but I presume it's okay when you have alot of scream parts. I would suggest you should study a little poetry and more complicated lyrics
#11
thanks 4 crit
I fought for all worth believing on the punk rock barracades
#13
I might have to upload the bass/guitar parts for it aswell to give a better picture of it
I fought for all worth believing on the punk rock barracades
#14
Quote by RCGAYLER
the way i wrote it was in a sorta of screamo style...with a BFMV influence so sorta metal


well first off BFMV arnt metal, secound the lyrics are extremly generic and far too short for a song in the style you want
#15
currently writing a newer more fluent and much longer piece
thanks for crit pplz
I fought for all worth believing on the punk rock barracades