#1
Alright guys this is the first song from my latest project. I dont really like the lyrics as they are a bit too simple and straight foward for my likeing. But crit me to death. suggestions comments anything!

So you say that I’ve destroyed you
Your fighting for the fist time
But I cant promise everything is gonna be alright.
I’m feeding on this anger like you fed all my lies
You’ll be the only one with things you wished you said.


I cant breath
And your still not listening to me
I’m sorry, but what have I done?

And your words I think they saved my life.
And picked up all the pieces
Of these broken hearts I’ve claimed.
And now I’m screaming.
Solitude has never been so loud

I Cant breath
And your still not listening to me.
I’m Sorry. But what have I done.

Breath me some words
Because I cant find some to replace you
Ill wait for you
With forever open arms.
#2
imagine the lyrics as actions in your head, visualise something, and make some metaphors from them and use them instead of your current words. gives your song a bit more of a read between the lines quality. the solitude and loud bit is the only bit i really dont like, you can do something with the rest though.
Yet I'm Nothing More, Than A Line In Your Book...
#3
"Solitude has never been so loud" is my favourite line don't get rid of that! The rest of it is OK but nothing really stands out.

Also I don't get this line "I’m feeding on this anger like you fed all my lies"