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#1
Hi UG,

I know this may seem stupid but, I have serious problems with confidence, especially, actually only with girls. Like I could talk to any boy at our school yet i can talk to hardly any girls. Its also the same with people i dont know when i dont have any freinds around, so i was wondering wether UG had any tips on how to talk to girls, or strangers, not as in chatting up girls just genuine chat. and oh yeah i'm 15 which is even more embarrasing. And yeah i do expect stupid responses as this is the pit.
"You're a twat!"- That dude in morrisons

"You Ugly git!" - That girl in the restaurant

"You Were a Mistake!" - Mum

just a few of my fans..



#2
im kinda the same but talkin to guys(im a girl) i talk abit but not much like everyone else
booo.....


did i scare you???
#3
Quote by Treazon
im kinda the same but talkin to guys(im a girl) i talk abit but not much like everyone else

I feel the same way, and i get real pissed off at myself
"You're a twat!"- That dude in morrisons

"You Ugly git!" - That girl in the restaurant

"You Were a Mistake!" - Mum

just a few of my fans..



#4
i lack confidence in everything and i ACTUALLY have official proof. now u think ur weird?
#6
the only advice I can give is to just do it. They're not gonna stab you for saying something stupid. Girls are nice. Just start talking to them. But try to avoid the ones with knives, just in case.
"There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die."-Duke
#7
I wouldn't worry too much, some people are just naturally shy. I find it really hard to talk to other girls if I don't already know them, but I'm fine with random guys. Just be friendly. Say hello. A simple passing wave can be a good start.
The will to neither strive nor cry,
The power to feel with others give.
Calm, calm me more; nor let me die
Before I have begun to live.

-Matthew Arnold

Arguments are to be avoided; they are always vulgar and often convincing.
#8
I really need confidence in me. For example, the other day, this girl was getting her folder and they all started to kinda fall over and in my head I was telling myself to help her. But I didn't.
#9
Quote by Treazon
im kinda the same but talkin to guys(im a girl) i talk abit but not much like everyone else
keep this in mind: chances are that the guy is probably just as nervous, if not more, about talking to you
Quote by civildp1
the only advice I can give is to just do it. They're not gonna stab you for saying something stupid. Girls are nice. Just start talking to them. But try to avoid the ones with knives, just in case.
silly, silly man

you'll learn the error in your thinking soon enough
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#10
emmm..... can't really help you out much here... I'm embarrased to say this but I'm 18, in college and still can't really start conversations with other people at random... I guess you just gotta find something that you both like, or maybe just talk about stuff that's going on at the moment, like if your teacher gave a really boring (or cool) lecture that day or if the homework is a bitch or if something happened with other people that person might know or whatever stuff like that. It's actually easier at school, at your age because you're in a smaller niche in which it's easy to have things in common, even if they're just a class or crap like that
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Ibanez RG121
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#12
Quote by Dinkydaisy
I wouldn't worry too much, some people are just naturally shy. I find it really hard to talk to other girls if I don't already know them, but I'm fine with random guys. Just be friendly. Say hello. A simple passing wave can be a good start.

This seems simple but cos we've all known each other for four or five years it feels like everyones already made freinds, and i'm on the outside. so it makes me feel stupid to say hello
"You're a twat!"- That dude in morrisons

"You Ugly git!" - That girl in the restaurant

"You Were a Mistake!" - Mum

just a few of my fans..



#13
I have the same problem but I've found away around it sometimes...I just start to talk to them about school and what's going on then move on from there. However, the conversation usually doesn't reach beyond school and current issues unless I have something in common with the girl or guy. Basically, just look to find a common interest and go from there.
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"so you mean if the father is sterile, the kid will be sterile too?"

Proof God exists and evolution is a lie:
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the prove is u because u did n create urself and ur parents dindt and their parents didnt and so on and we are not monkeys peace

#14
Perhaps try to find other people who aren't surrounded by a circle of friends. Be the assertive one; it's a lot easier with someone who doesn't know anyone else.
#15
Quote by yawn
Just avoid everyone and be an introvert.


This is what I do and do you see any problems?


Or, you could just get drunk first. I have no problem chatting to people at the bar when I'm seriously intoxicated.
Friends, applaud the comedy is over.


I'd dance with you but...


#16
Quote by Rust_in_Peace34
I have the same problem but I've found away around it sometimes...I just start to talk to them about school and what's going on then move on from there. However, the conversation usually doesn't reach beyond school and current issues unless I have something in common with the girl or guy. Basically, just look to find a common interest and go from there.

But the thing i find hard is actually starting the conversation :s
"You're a twat!"- That dude in morrisons

"You Ugly git!" - That girl in the restaurant

"You Were a Mistake!" - Mum

just a few of my fans..



#17
Quote by will123456789
This seems simple but cos we've all known each other for four or five years it feels like everyones already made freinds, and i'm on the outside. so it makes me feel stupid to say hello

I've been in college for a few weeks now where the vast majority of people already know each other and I don't know anyone. Anyone I've tried to speak to have made a circle with their friends with me on the outside, and you know what? I feel pretty damn stupid standing there on the outskirts saying nothing too. Grit your teeth and bear it.
The will to neither strive nor cry,
The power to feel with others give.
Calm, calm me more; nor let me die
Before I have begun to live.

-Matthew Arnold

Arguments are to be avoided; they are always vulgar and often convincing.
#18
Part of the thing to overcome is thinking about yourself. If you're genuinely interested in the conversation, they'll be able to tell. I'll say this again, if you want to chat more about it 1 on 1, you can chat with me on msn.
And there's nothing wrong with being 15. It can be a rough time.
Wolfie, Moley, Witty, Dgmey, Grundy
#19
I still have serious problems and I'm in my 20s and just moved to Ibiza on my own. I avoided the lift earlier because there were people in it, and the only people I talk to are the other teachers in school. And that's only for a small amount of time a week.
Friends, applaud the comedy is over.


I'd dance with you but...


#20
Quote by will123456789
But the thing i find hard is actually starting the conversation :s


Then don't start the conversation. When you're in a group and people are talking, when a girl says something, you can then make an opinionated response.
Wolfie, Moley, Witty, Dgmey, Grundy
#21
I have to same problem as you. With girls I kind of want a reason to start a conversation. It's hard for me to start one and making myself feel stupid by saying "Oh hi I'm so and so do you want to talk to me?"
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trashfan
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#22
Quote by thrashfan
I have to same problem as you. With girls I kind of want a reason to start a conversation. It's hard for me to start one and making myself feel stupid by saying "Oh hi I'm so and so do you want to talk to me?"


Notice the little things and try to build off that. If you over hear her talking about something she likes, find some stuff about it, and that can open lots of windows.
Wolfie, Moley, Witty, Dgmey, Grundy
#23
Quote by Dinkydaisy
I've been in college for a few weeks now where the vast majority of people already know each other and I don't know anyone. Anyone I've tried to speak to have made a circle with their friends with me on the outside, and you know what? I feel pretty damn stupid standing there on the outskirts saying nothing too. Grit your teeth and bear it.


Same thing happened to me when I moved to a new school about 4 years ago. Not fun
Quote by mcw00t
"so you mean if the father is sterile, the kid will be sterile too?"

Proof God exists and evolution is a lie:
Quote by elguitarrista3
the prove is u because u did n create urself and ur parents dindt and their parents didnt and so on and we are not monkeys peace

#24
Just treat girls like anybody else?! I used to be pretty shy around girls, but then I made a bunch of girl-friends and since have been able to easily talk to any girl just like I would to a guy (minus the manly things such as thrusting, punching etc).
#25
HINT: TS, look to your avatar for enlightenment.

Quagmire knows the ways of the woman.

Now, in unrelated news: ACTUAL HELP!

Dude, it sounds easy, and I know from experience its a hard thing to do...just grit your teeth and go for it..the worse thing they could do is ignore you.

And then you're back where you started...which isn't a big loss really, is it?
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This man deserves my +1

+1

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Go in peace my son, and teach to the pit dwellers what I have shown unto you.


ಠ_ಠ


XBL: huffy409
Last edited by [x]Huffy[x] at Oct 11, 2007,
#26
Quote by Dinkydaisy
I've been in college for a few weeks now where the vast majority of people already know each other and I don't know anyone. Anyone I've tried to speak to have made a circle with their friends with me on the outside, and you know what? I feel pretty damn stupid standing there on the outskirts saying nothing too. Grit your teeth and bear it.

Thank you. that's what i need a kick up the backside not me trying to putty foot around the subject (no sarcasm intended)

Quote by Fishyesque
Then don't start the conversation. When you're in a group and people are talking, when a girl says something, you can then make an opinionated response.

and Thank you that does seem like a good idea.
"You're a twat!"- That dude in morrisons

"You Ugly git!" - That girl in the restaurant

"You Were a Mistake!" - Mum

just a few of my fans..



#27
The opposite sex friends are always the easiest to talk to about personal things.
Wolfie, Moley, Witty, Dgmey, Grundy
#28
*looks at avatar*
*looks at user title*
*laughs uncontrollably and somewhat insensitively*

I'll come back when I've read past the first couple of sentences and contribute more valuably to the thread.
I play by my own rules. And I have one rule; There are no rules... but if there are, they're there to be broken. Even this one.


Confused? Good.

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Sigs are wastes of my precious screen space.

^ Irony

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LET ME HUMP YOU DAMMIT
#29
It's always hardest starting a conversation when you aren't used to doing so. Let us know how it goes, ok? Best of luck. But I don't think you need luck.
Wolfie, Moley, Witty, Dgmey, Grundy
#30
And don't say giggidy giggidy goo or make thrusting gestures around them.
JK
Wolfie, Moley, Witty, Dgmey, Grundy
#31
Quote by Fishyesque
It's always hardest starting a conversation when you aren't used to doing so. Let us know how it goes, ok? Best of luck. But I don't think you need luck.

Thnks Fishyesque, you the cooliest, and i'll report back tommorow.
"You're a twat!"- That dude in morrisons

"You Ugly git!" - That girl in the restaurant

"You Were a Mistake!" - Mum

just a few of my fans..



#32
turn queer, problem solved.
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#33
it has nothing to do with beeing confident...only seeming confident.

im full of false confidence all the time... talking in front of a class, buying booze, walking past a gang of chavs...
Get off this damn forum and play your damn guitar.
#35
Ok a lot of people have given good advice so I'm not gonna re-iterate what they've said. But for nervousness, just think of it in terms of consequences and have some perspective. Imagine you're going to die in 10 minutes. You would not hold back if this were the case, as there would be no consequences like embarassing yourself, or they wouldn't matter. Then think "well, I'm not gonna die, but does embarassing myself matter anyway?" and it doesn't. It really doesn't. You will always be able to make a better second or third or fourth impression, and try again. So just open up.

(I hope this made sense and came across how I hoped it would).
I play by my own rules. And I have one rule; There are no rules... but if there are, they're there to be broken. Even this one.


Confused? Good.

Quote by CrucialGutchman
Sigs are wastes of my precious screen space.

^ Irony

Quote by RevaM1ssP1ss
LET ME HUMP YOU DAMMIT
#36
Quote by stevo_epi_SG_wo
it has nothing to do with beeing confident...only seeming confident.

im full of false confidence all the time... talking in front of a class, buying booze, walking past a gang of chavs...


Listen to this guy. He also has a point. You can be nervous as **** and still pretend to know what you're doing.
I play by my own rules. And I have one rule; There are no rules... but if there are, they're there to be broken. Even this one.


Confused? Good.

Quote by CrucialGutchman
Sigs are wastes of my precious screen space.

^ Irony

Quote by RevaM1ssP1ss
LET ME HUMP YOU DAMMIT
#37
Quote by joeymaxx
I think we should start a UG's nervous ****bag club
Because I'd be Administrator

Go for it. I call dibs on Moderator
Quote by imdeth
This man deserves my +1

+1

Quote by denizenz
Go in peace my son, and teach to the pit dwellers what I have shown unto you.


ಠ_ಠ


XBL: huffy409
#38
Like everything in life, it takes a while to build up confidence, just like working out or playing guitar you have to get good at it, and practice to advance.

Start working out, you'll notice a tremendous effect.
You can even go as far as looking in the mirror every morning and saying "damn, you are fine" or something along those lines

Think of it this way, when alot of people say something stupid you just shrug it off, unless you really don't like that person and you're like "oh he's ghey" or something. Well most people are like that, just do what you want and say what you want, most people won't even care really.

Talk to girls, they're not scary or anything and really what about them scares you? They can sense your lack of confidence and that is a total turn off.

I can't really explain how to act- it's just something that is based in your genes, and it's something you have to discover.

Do crazy ****. go up to girls and say "whats your favorite flavor of bowling ball, mine is martian!" it may seem ****ing stupid but if you have the balls to approach and say that, you can do anything.

"peacock" yourself, start wearing flamboyant clothing, the stereotypical player wears those clothes because they work.

When talking to a girl, don't ask questions, make statements, you don't ask your good friends questions do you? Just act like you guys are old friends.

You could say something generally boring and turn it into something super interesting , if you add little "hoo-coos" and **** to it. I can't really think of any examples right now.

Also you have to get used to idea of talking to strangers, it's really not that hard. The worst thing that could happen is you either make a new friend or you rule out someone who you don't want to be friends with

we're all people, we're all the same biologically.
I'll post some more stuff if you want me too or something

EDIT: Think about this, too know something, you must have experienced or have it correct? so lets say you've never been rejected or failed at talking in front of a group. Then that thought would never enter your brain, so you can force that thought out of your brain.
You have to get used to the idea of all this then it will seem natural; because it is.
Girls can sense false confidence also, so you have to build it all on its own.

Just don't care thats your only solution.
And we will weave in and out of sanity unnoticed
Swirling in blissfully restless visions of all our bleary progress
Glowing in radiant madness
Last edited by TDKshorty at Oct 11, 2007,
#39
A couple other things. First, thanks for the compliment, I don't get those too often.
Also, practice feeling confident. Do things you know you can, just do them by yourself, give yourself that feeling of success. Also, try to be prepared. Just think of basic conversations, and see yourself making the other person smile.

Edit:
Also, take little steps if you want. If you want to work on that first step, you can just say, "hey!" and smile as you walk past a girl. Odds are that she'll return the favor, especially if she's seen you before. That alone is a good confidence booster.
Wolfie, Moley, Witty, Dgmey, Grundy
Last edited by Fishyesque at Oct 11, 2007,
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