#1



Wow, it's been a long time since I've posted something on here. This is just a little OTS writing I have. Not one of my favorties by any means, but I felt like getting some feedback for the first time in forever.


The hopeful slowly turn to the hopeless.
They say, “Let’s trade places.”
And grasp each other’s hands.
This is the last dance
Where the night will
Hold my shadow captive.
Just try and keep quiet,
This depends on your silence.

And the holes in the sky all disappear.
The tides have changed,
Now the waters rage.
The shoreline glows with divinity,
But the sea holds me.

Not even my experience can save me.
#2
It wasn't too bad, but not amazing either. The meaning and flow are good, but not great. The vocab is pretty good. Try making the lines have around an equal amount of syllables or something to help the flow. It has alot of potential.
Your head slowly caves in from the compression