#1
I'll c4c (If I dont, pm me). The Lighthouse Keepers Secret -

He’ll give those with him 666
There is a little tool-shed where he makes us suffer
I’m leading you down the primrose path
A museum of the macabre
A graveyard of the broken

There’s a body in the tool-shed
They are the lighthouse keepers secret
A place where he keeps the dead
They are the lighthouse keepers secret

His voice echoes through the valleys of pain
Evil is his name
He’s the reaper
He’s the lighthouse keeper

He leaves us crying in the dark
I keep your secrets
I lock them away
Will we see another day?

There’s a body in the tool-shed
They are the lighthouse keepers secret
A place where he keeps the dead
They the lighthouse keepers secret
Raise your chalice my brother
Raise it high
To catch the fire that falls from the sky
#2
I like the images; very effectively creepy. You describe the lighthouse keeper very figuratively ("evil is his name," etc.), but the rest of the song is more concrete, specific images that make the character more real to the listener.

What I can't tell is whether you're trying to describe a real lighthouse keeper/serial killer or a metaphorical character that's inside someone's head.

BTW, what's the music like?

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Death to Ovation haters!
#3
Yeah, this seems slightly confused to me.

"There’s a body in the tool-shed
They are the lighthouse keepers secret"

There's a body and you say they are...
Doesn't seem to match up if that's what you're talking about, which it looks like you are here.

Also in some places you say "he" and in others you say "I", which may be right but seems odd to me. Especially:

I lock them away
Will we see another day?

Sounds like you're both locking and being locked away.

If this is meant to be a literal peice it doesn't really make sense, but if it's meant to be something if your head like PatchworkMan suggested then it's probably ok. Good idea though.
#4
Quote by Bal_Sagoth
I'll c4c (If I dont, pm me). The Lighthouse Keepers Secret -

He’ll give those with him 666
There is a little tool-shed where he makes us suffer
I’m leading you down the primrose path
A museum of the macabre
A graveyard of the broken

There’s a body in the tool-shed
They are the lighthouse keepers secret
A place where he keeps the dead
They are the lighthouse keepers secret

His voice echoes through the valleys of pain
Evil is his name
He’s the reaper
He’s the lighthouse keeper

He leaves us crying in the dark
I keep your secrets
I lock them away
Will we see another day?

There’s a body in the tool-shed
They are the lighthouse keepers secret
A place where he keeps the dead
They the lighthouse keepers secret


It's a little simplistic, perhaps with a title like that I was looking for a bit more imagery. Not bad writing though, it flows well.

return crit?

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