#1
i'm worried about this one being too short, or too vague, or the ending being too confusing/weak. c-4-c.



the daffodil and the pigskin

the daffodil and the pigskin, the pretty smile
and the dumb grin. the window’s wide open,
why don’t you step outside? the ground don’t
seem so far away from here, but I guess you’re
used to illusions.

the pigskin and the daffodil, the open wound
and the sweet pill. stay still, it won’t take long,
still got her photo kid? if you’re lucky
she might say a kind word or two
when you're gone.

O! music: Click (Youtube)


^ Click to see an acoustic arrangement of Ke$ha's 'Your Love is my Drug' - everyone's favourite song.
Last edited by Snowblind 911 at Oct 14, 2007,
#2
Quote by Snowblind 911
i'm worried about this one being too short, or too vague, or the ending being to confusing/weak. c-4-c.



the daffodil and the pigskin

the daffodil and the pigskin, the pretty smile
and the dumb grin. the window’s wide open,
why don’t you step outside? the ground don’t
seem so far away from here, but I guess you’re
used to illusions.

the pigskin and the daffodil, the open wound
and the sweet pill. stay still, it won’t take long,
still got her photo kid? if you’re lucky
she might say a kind word or two
at your funeral.



seems fine to me, I like it. I don't think it's too vague, i got the part about the suicide. If you wanted to, you could switch open and wide in the second line to make it ryhme (sp?) more.