#1
My fire escape overlooks Motivation Alley,
but the last three floors are missing, so im far to hiiiigh to jump.
Therefore my head is in the clouds, all lacking in silver lining,
despite constant mining to provide metallic justification.
But justice's scales are misused: measuring psilocybin,
cause damn, I don't wanna stumble too hard, crying through ninety eyelids.
I walk my life's path fully knowing it's a treadmill.
Set the speed to what I want, I'm still going to stand still.
And on that path most people ride by on ten speeds.
They wave as they peddle by, faces empathetic and friendly.
My mind's its own country: United States of Attention,
I have a deficit in the budget, cause I can't control the pension.
Oh well I can manage it, as a mannequin with clothing made of cannabis
the tetra hydrochloride helps me handle it.


crit please.
or if youd like an explanation of a line thats cool too.
#3
Quote by rockintheblues
if youd like an explanation of a line thats cool too.


would you be kind enough to explain all the lines please?
Gear:

Jackson DKMG Dinky
ESP LTD EX-400
Peavey 6505
Digitech Metal Master Distortion Pedal
Fender G-Tec Junior Amplifier
    #4
    generally i would love something like this, but it feels alittle forced. keep working on it, let things flow and youll be great.
    #5
    to dsaanm: to explain all the lines literally would be to ruin the challenge of the piece to all the other people who want to read it.
    i have the interpretation ready at hand, but i wont say it quite yet
    at least not until the flow of views nears a halt.

    to uranutan: im not very fluent in internet lingo, whats O_o mean?
    ive asked my friends and they refuse to tell me.

    to burn the stars: i lke your taste in words. and i agree with ou, unfortunately, im not sure there is much to be done other than rewriting the whole thing

    and that would just make it a different poem, wouldnt it?

    thanks guys.