#1
Another song, about a pretty soul leaving a life of pain behind.

-

[Verse 1]
You were my misery,
Can't you see?
Now I'm free.
I'm free to run away,
Laugh and say
"I'm OK."
I'm free to play and sing, no
Worrying,
Now I'm dancing;
Dancing all my cares away.

[Verse 2]
You clouded everything,
Full of sin,
Now I sing.
I sing to keep you gone,
Hanging on,
Makes me strong.
I want the world to know,
How it's so, I'm
In control;
No longer chained to you, now
I can sing, and
Now I'm dancing.

Dancing all my cares away.

[Verse 3]
I tried to break away,
Everyday,
Was the same.
Eternal suffering,
Struggling,
Worrying.
And now I'm walking tall,
Seen it all,
Broke my fall.
There's no-one stopping me, now
I can be, for-
Ever free.

[Bridge]
I always dreamed this day would come my way,
All these years of doing what you say,
Are gone.
And now I step out, blinking at the blinding light.
I'm free from everything, and everything is right.

[Verse 4]
This world so new to me,
I can see, it's
So completely;
Completely light and calm,
Take my arm,
Lead me on.
I have unbound my chains,
As it rains, I
Won't complain.
I smile and sing for me, 'cos
Now I'm free.
I am dancing.

Dancing all my cares away.

-

A bit of an exercise in rhyme, probably to a backdrop of pianos and strings.

C4C, as always.!

Thanks
#2
Thankyou for critting my piece, I appreciate it greatly!

First of all, of a common subject, I think you have done a good job. This has been done many times, but you have avoided copying other songs/lines well, which is essential when writing about such subjects.

However, I personally think that the verses, minus the last one, are all pretty much similar - maybe vary them a bit - like a story of some sort, y'know? The next verse being like a next paragraph, continuing the subjects but adding new things.

Overall, however I quite liked this. I can easily see this being on the radio doing well, whether that is what you were intending, I do not know.

=]
Michal
#3
Quote by Nuttfish
Another song, about a pretty soul leaving a life of pain behind.

-

[Verse 1]
You were my misery,
Can't you see?
Now I'm free.
I'm free to run away,
Laugh and say
"I'm OK."
I'm free to play and sing, no
Worrying,
Now I'm dancing;
Dancing all my cares away.

[Verse 2]
You clouded everything,
Full of sin,
Now I sing.
I sing to keep you gone,
Hanging on,
Makes me strong.
I want the world to know,
How it's so, I'm
In control;
No longer chained to you, now
I can sing, and
Now I'm dancing.

Dancing all my cares away.

[Verse 3]
I tried to break away,
Everyday,
Was the same.
Eternal suffering,
Struggling,
Worrying.
And now I'm walking tall,
Seen it all,
Broke my fall.
There's no-one stopping me, now
I can be, for-
Ever free.

[Bridge]
I always dreamed this day would come my way,
All these years of doing what you say,
Are gone.
And now I step out, blinking at the blinding light.
I'm free from everything, and everything is right.

[Verse 4]
This world so new to me,
I can see, it's
So completely;
Completely light and calm,
Take my arm,
Lead me on.
I have unbound my chains,
As it rains, I
Won't complain.
I smile and sing for me, 'cos
Now I'm free.
I am dancing.

Dancing all my cares away.

-

A bit of an exercise in rhyme, probably to a backdrop of pianos and strings.

C4C, as always.!

Thanks



Hey man thanks for criting mine, Im gonna make some changes on it later so if you wouldn't mind re-looking over mine later it would be appreciated, i'd be willing to do the same obviously.


First off I like it. Quite an emotional song but due to its context it doesn't seem to go overboard which is good, makes a subtle change and gives it a rather unique and special feel.


It reminds me a little of Bruce Springsteen, that kind of uplifting shout-a-long lyrics, I don't know if that was your intention but thats what I got. All good points


I noticed first off that your first verse is shorter than the others. However depending on phrasing this would work, It's tricky to give an exact explantion of what i mean but im sure if you look,you'll get me.


I also noticed you don't have a Chorus, although the repitition of "Dancing all my cares away" gives it that chorus-ey feel. Perhaps you could make this one seperate line the chorus and change the progression here. This isn't critisim at all, just some ideas to mess around with.


To me it all seems very solid and uplifting, maybe just check the length of lines. Even then im proberly wrong in saying that. Lyrics can totally change with music behind them.


Hopefully you'll check back on mine later,im away out the now but I will update it.


Great song dude, if you record it remember to let me know, I'd be curious to hear it.


All the best for now