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#1
Long story:
I had a friend, and he told me he has a girlfriend. Keep in mind this kid is 300 pounds and he's only 15. Yea. So, I knew he was lying. He said she lived in Alaska. I asked how he met her and he said he works with her. Then two of my other friends came into the conversation and asked how could he work with a girl in Alaska. He got really serious and told us to move closer so he could tell us something important. He told us that he works for the FBI, and that he reports back to them every other Saturday deep in the woods. He said that he is the school's agent, and that it is his job to get "intel" about things going on in our school such as drug use and illegal music downloading. He says that they gave him this position because his dad fought in Vietnam. We asked him if he was serious, and he swore that he was. We all knew he was full of **** but decided to humor him and ourselves. We started asking him questions about his job. Here is what we got:
Q: Whats your favorite weapon?
A: Dual wielding 1968 revolvers

Q:What new technology has the government invented?
A:Lightsabers Hover Cars, Hover packs, Electricity Guns (not tazers, they actually shoot beams of electricity), Spike bombs (which he stole from Halo 3)

Q: Are mutants real?
A:Yes. Although they are not called "Mutants" but rather "Superhumans". One of them can run at 67Mph and another can lift 1000lbs with his arms.

Q:Have you ever subdued anyone?
A: Yes. His name was Target Z.

Q: What did Target Z do?
A: He smuggled bombs in bags of marijuana

Q: Isn't that stupid? Drugs are illegal too. He'll get caught either way.
A: I know. I laughed about that one.

Q: Have you met the President?
A:No.

Q: Does the President know about these operations?
A: Yes. He even does some himself.

Q: George W. Bush does operations?
A: Yes

Q: Do you know any conspiracies that are true?
A: Yes, I know how JFK was assinated

Q: How?
A: He was shot with an ice bullet.

Q: I thought that was disproved?
A: Did you see that on Mythbusters?

Q:Yes
A: They're liars. We're the ****ing government. We can do anything.

Thats all for now. The next day, he came into school and told me that he broke it off with his girlfriend because he called her cell phone and some guy named Mark picked up and said they were having sex. I tried not to laugh. That part about Mythbusters being liars broke my heart.
#3
lol ur friends lying cuz he thinks mythbusters is fake

EDIT: ask him to bring some FBI tools/gadgets one day. see what he comes up with
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why are metal musicians prone to fatness?
Cause there music is heavy.


Writing music is hard D:
Last edited by Phillitalian at Oct 14, 2007,
#4
I think it's time for UG to help you come up with some more questions to ask Mr. Secret Agent.

*Cue James Bond theme*
Gunpowder: FUCKING ROCKS!!!
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Gunpowder FUCKING ROCKS!!!!!

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Gunpowder you fucking rock!!

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FUCK ROCKS!
#5
Quote by Jehuty
With all due respect, but you need to find new friends.
This was like 5 days ago. It's so weird cause he was completely normal before that. I never really hung out with him outside of school. He's just a kid on my bus.
#6
Wow. Pure wow.
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#7
Quote by nosushi4you
This was like 5 days ago. It's so weird cause he was completely normal before that. I never really hung out with him outside of school. He's just a kid on my bus.


Ok, I understand. Just thought you were friends cause you said so in the thread. Still though.
#8
....

wow.

He's really imaginative. I'll give him that.

100 effort points.
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#10
I also recorded him saying it. I have it as an MP3 file. My MP3 player has a built in mic, so I pretended to be listening to music as I asked him the questions.
#13
I get the feeling your friend was joking, and you're incapable of picking up on humor.
Quote by vintage x metal
I love you =] I can't say I was very fond of you when we first started talking because you trolled the hell out of my threads, but after talking to you here I've grown very attached to you.

Yeah, write to my fanclub about it, honey.
#14

Q: Do you know any conspiracies that are true?
A: Yes, I know how JFK was assinated

Q: How?
A: He was shot with an ice bullet.


#16
wouldnt the FBI have better things to do than crack down on illegal music downloading?

Jack my swag
#18
oh dear god, either that guy literally HAS NO LIFE, or has a mental issue. gotta laugh at some people, especially if they claim they work for the government in america and/or thinks george bush does anything government related,at all...
Ego inflating praise here:
Quote by Fishyesque
That is SOOOOOOOOOOO sig worthy! Pure awesomeness to you, sir.

C wut I did thar Fishy?

's UG
#19
Quote by 3rd Eye
Uh. Nark?

Exactly. Theres three options for him.
1.)He's lying.
2.)He actually believes he's in the FBI and he's pure crazy.
3.)He is in the FBI, and he's the worst agent ever for giving Government secrets to kids on his bus.
Epic phail any way you look at it.
#20
Attempt to assassinate him. If you get him at knifepoint or something then he's clearly not an FBI agent and will confess it. If he kung-fu's your ass, then get us some pics of those mutants.
I play by my own rules. And I have one rule; There are no rules... but if there are, they're there to be broken. Even this one.


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#21
You have odd friends


Sure youre not at a mental rehab clinic?
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#22
Ask him if there are other worlds than these.

Or what happens when you die.

Or if there is a God.
#23
Quote by Jehuty
With all due respect, but you need to find new friends.

I agree with Jehuty,your friends a moron,get some new ones.
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#24
Quote by nosushi4you
I also recorded him saying it. I have it as an MP3 file. My MP3 player has a built in mic, so I pretended to be listening to music as I asked him the questions.
Upload it for great justice!
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#25
Quote by Jack Off Jill
I get the feeling your friend was joking, and you're incapable of picking up on humor.

No, believe me. He is not joking. He's talked about it for like 5 days straight. And he's sworn he's telling the truth multiple times.
#27
Quote by cobain_is_king
I believe him. This guy seems legit. We all know Bush does operations.


haha

By the way, delete your first post. Mods no likey double posts.
*Edit* Damn you're fast.
#28
poor fat 15 year olds loser kids.. will say anything to impress anyone. just tell him he doesn't have to make up dumb stories to hang out with you.
Grammar and spelling omitted as an exercise for the reader.
#29
Quote by Jack Off Jill
I get the feeling your friend was joking, and you're incapable of picking up on humor.


Fat people cannot joke, for they themselves are too much of a joke, and any extra humour would overload one's senses
#30


This is by far the single greatest thread ever.

Quote by nosushi4you
I also recorded him saying it. I have it as an MP3 file. My MP3 player has a built in mic, so I pretended to be listening to music as I asked him the questions.


Upload it, please.
Dickless.
Last edited by MetalMilitia212 at Oct 14, 2007,
#31
Well, we will know if its true if UG suddenly gets taken down.. if not, BS.
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#32
Quote by nosushi4you
No, believe me. He is not joking. He's talked about it for like 5 days straight. And he's sworn he's telling the truth multiple times.


It might be a particularly impressive and drawn-out joke. Which admittedly turns out to not be that funny. Someone's gonna end up electrocuted.
I play by my own rules. And I have one rule; There are no rules... but if there are, they're there to be broken. Even this one.


Confused? Good.

Quote by CrucialGutchman
Sigs are wastes of my precious screen space.

^ Irony

Quote by RevaM1ssP1ss
LET ME HUMP YOU DAMMIT
#34
Originally Posted by amorebelladonna:
I guess I will just have to live with the fact that I ate my grandma

HAHA I totally forgot all about that!
#35
Quote by Jehuty
haha

By the way, delete your first post. Mods no likey double posts.
*Edit* Damn you're fast.

You better believe it
I accidentally double clicked, silly me.
RULE BRITANNIA
#38
Quote by GiantRaven
I want the audio file!



From the UG Missile Silo thread:
Quote by GiantRaven
Well

This sure is the stupidest thing i've ever read...


Guess you have to take that back now?
I play by my own rules. And I have one rule; There are no rules... but if there are, they're there to be broken. Even this one.


Confused? Good.

Quote by CrucialGutchman
Sigs are wastes of my precious screen space.

^ Irony

Quote by RevaM1ssP1ss
LET ME HUMP YOU DAMMIT
#39
lets hear the mp3?
Quote by Metal-X
No.. you see when one person stays on UG for to long, then they tend to lose there minds to the Pit monkeys. And well..... just watch for yourself

#40
Quote by MuffinMan
Upload it for great justice!

Take off every MP3
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