#1
# When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

# Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

# There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

# Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

# Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

# Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

# Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

# Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

# There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

# When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

# Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

# Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

# Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

# Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

# Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.

# Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

# Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

# Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

# Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.


http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/
Quote by GlamSpam

I developed a thought experiment to explain why you can't remember anything before you were born:
#2
Stop.

I read the first one.


You lose.
Needlenick wrote:

Dave Grohl has officially literally done everything.
#7
i don't care what you party poopers say. i still find at least half of these really funny.
#8
Quote by Vin2254
i don't care what you party poopers say. i still find at least half of these really funny.

I also found them quite funny.


In 2002.
#9
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.


My favorite one, ever. The only one that comes close is:

Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck. Covered in human skulls.
Life is underrated.


Quote by Mad Marius
That's like saying you got cancer that comes with AIDS.
#10
JesusMother****ingChrist!

What is with the Chuck Norris bull**** man? Its so old and lame.
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#13
Old as Chuck Norris, possibly more so.
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#14
only good Chuck Norris joke:
Chuck Norris can eat a rubix cube and poop it out solved.
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#15
They are old but I still chuckle at a few like

"Chuck Norris does not read. He stares down the book until it gives him the information he needs."
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Crit plz! Wh ore of Gommorah
#16
why do you keep starting topics with names/lyrics from The SMiths songs? It's a neat thing to do, keep it up.
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# Un-nominated in UG Top 100,
#17
Quote by Bushinarin
why do you keep starting topics with names/lyrics from The SMiths songs? It's a neat thing to do, keep it up.


They're all just the names of Smiths songs. I might start on lyrics once I run out of song names.
Quote by GlamSpam

I developed a thought experiment to explain why you can't remember anything before you were born:
#18
Quote by suffer some
They're all just the names of Smiths songs. I might start on lyrics once I run out of song names.


that's a lot of topics to start if you run out of song names, especially if you get into morrissey's solo work.
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# Un-nominated in UG Top 100,
#20
Quote by fallenangel20
Lame. Old. I read the first word, knew where it was going, and stopped.

I prefer these.

http://www.brucefacts.com/

Bruce Campbell > Chuck Norris



Blasphemy! Can Bruce Campbell touch MC Hammer? I think not....
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