#1
I wrote this today. I really don't know what posessed me to write about this, but it's about Albert, the first monkey launched into space in June of 1948. He suffocated and died during the mission. I guess I was just determined not to write another love song. Anyway, I hope you like it. It's in my profile. Crit for crit, of course.
Listen to mah discs.



And coming soon, THE CLEVER DEVILS VS. THE BLONDES.

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#2
Although its a cool effect for about 20 seconds, the tremolo got SUPER annoying.

Anyways, take what I'm about to tell you very seriously. What you have written here is something to the likes of what John Lennon or Paul McCartney would write. Im not joking. Your lyrics, melody, and tone resembles this. And you did it a VERY original way.

For this, I give you a 10/10

Just dont try the tremolo again, mate.


----------


Crit mine?

http://chrisdrummond.dmusic.com

Listen to "Float On"
#3
I can't add anything to what was already stated. The panning and tremolo made me hurt, and it sounded like Lennon / McCartney.
#4
I guess my speakers aren't far enough apart for me to have noticed that when I mixed it. I'll try to fix it. Are the complaints with the tremolo on the guitar or the vocals?
Listen to mah discs.



And coming soon, THE CLEVER DEVILS VS. THE BLONDES.

Vote for me in the
Last edited by VoodooChild15 at Oct 15, 2007,
#5
The lyrical subject is original, It sounds good though, if i am being ultra critical maybe the guitar could be beefed up a little bit. I agree with the comments above lose the tremolo on the voice it is unnecessary. You write some nice songs keep it up, 'My beams are focused on your blasters, gentlemen.' Is really good what did you use to do the beat.
#6
+999 to the comments about the lyrics...and about the tremlo effect...And now because of your song I must make a song about Albert too


once again, nice job, lose the tremlo until the 'chorus-like' parts...

Crit mine?...in my profile...muffin man cover...
#7
Tonight after my play practice I'm going to record it again with an acoustic guitar for the verses and electric w/tremolo only on the choruses. I'm also changing the "did the silence make the fear all go away, that summer day" line to "Oh, Albert, bet you never thought you'd fly, so very high" so that it rhymes with "Oh, Albert, you're a champion of the sky". And you should write about Laika the Russian space dog.
Listen to mah discs.



And coming soon, THE CLEVER DEVILS VS. THE BLONDES.

Vote for me in the
#8
Excellent acoustic song, all the Lennon/McCartney comments are spot on, that's the first thing I thought of.

But yeah, tremolo needs to go. It actually hurts my ears in the beginning.

Keep rockin'
#9
New version's up. I did exactly what I said I would last post. So listen if you'd like. I'll probably redo the vocals again when I'm not coming down with a cold.
Listen to mah discs.



And coming soon, THE CLEVER DEVILS VS. THE BLONDES.

Vote for me in the
#10
WOW, dude! That was 1000% better with that redo. Very nice quality.

Um, well I think you are one of the few lyrics /melody geniuses out here right now so.....GET FAMOUS.
#12
genius tune, beautiful singings and guitar ! no negative ponits

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=693026 4 crit
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#13
That was great, it too reminded me of Lennon/McCartney.
Great song, loved the tone, and great use of effects.

My song is in my profile
last.fm
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#14
Oh ****, new music.

Critting this bitch up.

I do like your voice, it fits the music well. The drums, simple as they may be, are also well produced. I'd like a copy of the lyrics to crit them, but that does not exist as of yet. I think the guitar works wonderfully with the rest of it. I miss using electric guitars.

Damn well done as ever, Joe.
#15
I liked it there was a thing i noticed though, the Tambourine was wrong in some parts, it didn't follow a constant rhythm which was probably what you were trying to do.


Nice song though,

Phil
Looking for a new sig!
#16
It has been said, but it does sound like some sort of offbeat out-there Beatles song.

There is nothing wrong with that, it was pretty good actually and I was tapping my foot and it was a topic no one I suppose every really thought of - giving it uniqueness.

Sort of like ground control to major tom, if tom was a chimp!

If it were say an album track, it probably wouldn't be a single, but probably nestled in the second half of the lp. It's definitely not filler though.

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=697544 <<<MINE


I think I have natural talent for guitar because I'm left handed and I use that hand to pleasure myself. Seeing as I started playing after most of intense masturbating-teen years, the dexterity was already there.