#1
I caught you staring at the features
of a pretty perfect picture
saw you were eyeing up my girlfriend
I bet you think that she is drop-dead (gorgeous)
thought you'd ask if she was partnered
didn't you see me in the departed?
I'm winning wars for all the defence
who's hearts grow fonder in the abscence

I'm winning wars for all the defence
who's hearts grow fonder in the absence

the next night saw you pervesly leering
at another girl who's bloody steaming
changing ties because your drooling
can't stop now you've started fooling (around)
blinded to the ring on her finger
or guessed that she was some sort of flinger
laughed when I saw that she was waiting
for the other three, they were double dating

I'm winning wars for all the defence
who's hearts grow fonder in the absence
one week on and your fantasizing
about celebs you'd love to rubs thighs with
shame your sore and all down there
those I've told laughed 'cos they don't care
I've lost the right to call her squeaky clean
turns out she took what you were offering
I spent too much time playing my part
now I'm getting fonder of my absent heart.

can't promise C4c. I'll try.
Last edited by Jammydude44 at Oct 15, 2007,
#2
Quote by Jammydude44
I caught you staring at the features
of a pretty perfect picture
saw you were eyeing up my girlfriend
I bet you think that she is drop-dead (gorgeous)
thought you'd ask if she was partnered
didn't you see me in the departed?
I'm winning wars for all the defence
who's hearts grow fonder in the abscence

I am not sure what to make of this first stanza - It's like you're just about to threaten a guy to back-off off your girlfriend but the language used is very mellow and poetic, which appears to contradict that. Interesting start.

I'm winning wars for all the defence
who's hearts grow fonder in the absence

the next night saw you pervesly leering
at another girl who's bloody steaming
changing ties because your drooling
can't stop now you've started fooling (around)
blinded to the ring on her finger
or guessed that she was some sort of flinger
laughed when I saw that she was waiting
for the other three, they were double dating

I like this second stanza a lot. The flow is great, the rhyming is good and the concept and picture you're trying to get across is clear. This is good work.

I'm winning wars for all the defence
who's hearts grow fonder in the absence
one week on and your fantasizing
about celebs you'd love to rubs thighs with
shame your sore and all down there
those I've told laughed 'cos they don't care
I've lost the right to call her squeaky clean
turns out she took what you were offering
I spent too much time playing my part
now I'm getting fonder of my absent heart.

This stanza continues to describe this 'pervert' that the song appears to be about, but then the second half is unusual. 'I am getting fonder of my absent heart' - it appears you are describing yourself as... not so nice? not loving? I am not sure, but it is a very strange twist indeed.

can't promise C4c. I'll try.


Overall good song with flow, rhyming, words used in mind. You will have noticed I have not commented the chorus, or what appears to be the chorus. i have a feeling the last line ties in with the chorus, but I unfortunately do not quite understand the chorus and the full meaning of the song - although explaining ti to me would sure spoil it for everyone else. Oh, and as much as I hate to point it out, 'defence' should be 'defense', while 'abscence' should be 'absence'.

Crit mine?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=691701

Michal
#3
Quote by michal23
Oh, and as much as I hate to point it out, 'defence' should be 'defense'.


i hate americans



defence is the british (correct) way of spelling it
Last edited by skagitup at Oct 15, 2007,
#4
Quote by skagitup
i hate americans



Rofl - firefox spell checker; I wouldn't have noticed it otherwise!
#5
alex, please a small critisiZe next time ?



Thanks Michal, the last part of the last verse is the girl went for the other guy 'cos I was too intent on spying on him - or something like that.
#6
Stanza 1

The opening lines are really catchy . but the rhyme scheme after (gorgeous) sounded little bit off to me . i assume that i am not singing it in right melody and the tempo is changing
or the vocal style is altered a little bit but as far as the lyrics are concerned . i didn't liked
the ending lines that much as compared to the opener and some lines after that.

Two Stand alone lines or chorus whatever it is . it's pretty short for me as compared to the stanzas but i suppose it's just because of our different taste in music.

Stanza 2 .

It's far better as compared to stanza 1 in terms of flow but whole rhymimg of (ing) inj first three line is annoying but with addition of (around) in 4 th line . it produced a good effect
(vocally) but i'll suggest taht take out (ing word) from 2nd or 3rd line. that way the vocal effect will have much more effect . Atleast thats what i think when i try to sing it.


last stanza

Flow wise it's again not as good as the second one and some ideas are really good to fit the situation but many lines give an impression of a filler . it can be me though.

As far as the lyrics are concerned. Not as gr8 as your usual stuff but the story is pretty interesting . just ignore the stupid things I've said


Hi