#1
I woke up at four and the morning and began to write about the butterflies in my stomach.

Hope the rhythm to the piece is easily understood. Crit for Crit like usual.
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The butterflies are flying,
But they don’t know how to steer.
They are afraid of dying,
They are afraid of fear.

Then the soft rain,
Falls upon their wings.
It washes away the pains,
As they begin to sing.

“The warm touch of sun,
Begins to fire up.
Now we can have fun,
Soak each other up.”

The butterflies are flying,
But they don’t know how to steer.
They are afraid of dying,
They are afraid of fear.

The spider is weaving,
An intricate design.
“No way is she leaving!
This one is mine!”

The spider is satisfying,
Her every hope and dream.
The butterflies are dying,
Ripped apart at the seams.

The butterflies are flying,
But they don’t know how to steer.
They are afraid of dying,
They are afraid of fear.

The Angel speaks,
Very fluidly.
“All my life,
You have fought for me.”

“He makes me smile,
He found me first.”
They didn’t need to think a while,
They were instantly hurt.

The butterflies are flying,
They do not know how to steer.
They are afraid of dying,
For are afraid of fear.

The spider held her tight,
So the Angels smile grew.
They had no more fight.
They no longer flew.

Falling from the sky,
Like the rain that cured their pain.
They butterflies all die,
And the Angel still the same.

The butterflies are no longer flying,
They do not need to know how to steer.
They are no longer afraid of dying,
For they have already been seared.
#2
I think it was all pretty good. seems like maybe you limited yourself a bit with the rhyming, just because you were following that extremely strict rhyme pattern. also, i think you repeated the first stanza too many times. other than that it was good. could you crit lighthouse? it's in my sig
#3
this kind of confused me. at first i thought of the butterflies as good and the spider was evil, but then the angel thing is where i lost it. i would think that the butterflies in your stomach would be unwelcome, but you describe them in kind of a fun peaceful way. then the spider that's getting rid of them sounds a bit sinister(unless that's just my arachnophobia acting up...), but then at the end the angel is smiling at the spider... your imagery just seems to contradict itself. or maybe i'm just tired...

confusion aside, it was pretty good.
#4
They are symbolic of types of people, not really what they are. At least I think they are.
#6
I think you have an excellent idea here, I just don't think you really articulate it that well. That one line like "They no longer flew" for instance, was redundant in the stanza and didn't really make sense or add to the whole. I think you know what you're trying to say, it's just not getting across because of the rhyme scheme and rhythm you're clinging to.

Speaking of butterflies, my thread "Chaos Theory" just got bumped. Link in the sig, if you get a chance.

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#7
I think the central idea of the poem is good but the way you expressed it wasnt so great. The obnoxious amount of small stanzas makes the piece disjointed and if you were to combine stanzas and keep a central idea through each message and then at the end still have the same message out of all of them, it would be pretty good

Mike