My first shot at lyrics, about a man being hung. They are for my newly formed metal band. Feedback would be appreciated.

Watching, waiting, regrets laid to rest,
Mist of a spectre slips hold of his neck.
Whispers of taken recede;
Show what scrawls beneath as a spirit is freed.

Stars wailing while sundown is shattered in step,
To dissociate earth and the soles i have left.
Apprehend and assent, phlegmatic air stale,
Contorted and frail, the trees lend their stare.

(washing over my eyes)
Ambience flickers to madness.
Nothing could ever prepare me,
For what i’m about to re-witness.

Surrounded, malicious intent;
Innocence, dies in my glare;
Squalor, a childhood friend;
Damnation, a vapid threat;
Corruption, the essence within;
Tribulation, the harvest of sin;
Affliction, done unto others;
Love… unexpected comeuppance.

A sickening crack resonates to the heavens,
My wretched kingdom dissolves.
Through delicate light,
I take glimpse of her sight,
Reflecting her bliss unto mine.

Simple breakdown if anyone wants it: 1st stanza is from crowd perspective, 2nd is from his, 3rd is him thinking he's losing it, 4th is his life flashing before his eyes, 5th is when his neck snaps, and the last thing he sees is his lover, both of whom are saddened yet relieved his crappy life is over.