#1
I've lost all hope
all my dreams
are shattered and torn
if life goes on
where does it go from here
the smoke is too thick to breathe

[Chorus]
it began with a bang
buildings fell to the ground like leaves
i watched it all on tv
with a click of a finger
the sky turned black

we were going to be married
but now will i ever feel her love
if i step outside i'll choke
and if i lived would i find her in the smoke?
if life goes on
where does it go from here
the smoke is too thick to breathe

chorus

but i have to believe
that this hell can end
that my loves beyond the bend

(whispered) help me god

chorus x3


this is one of the tracks off the concept album im writing about a nuclear holocaust from the eyes of a 18 year old and what it would be like
#2
It's okay. Reminds me of yellowcard, though I'm not too sure that's the kind of thing you're going for. I think you should spice up the pre-chorus (If Life goes on...) a little bit, make it more full. I love the idea of it being for a concept album use it for the middle tracks, not the opener because the opener should bring something chaotic and the sense of hope in the bridge suits better for a middle track.

C4C?
#3
if life goes on, when the clouds fineally clear
where does it go from here.
the smoke is too thick to breathe.

ive added to it a little bit..it's still lacking.

and yeah yellowcard is a big influence! with the guitar over the top it sounds kinda like Lights & Sounds.

yeah its track 5. the album starts kinda calm, then it introduces the love of his life, then on track 3 the album explodes and it gets heavier and heavier.