#1
falling asleep with
strained hands.
collapsed under another aided weight.
my breath has always rung heavy,
filtered in its taste of calluses.

on split open nights
like these,
i often wonder how many
tongues slip along the edge
of this tempered blade.

tied aprons and
wrinkled time.
our clothing soaked
in the same daily sweats
that moisten our every day.

a splintered guise
of equality,
leaves time cards like page numbers.
endless and empty.
#2
'falling asleep with
strained hands.
collapsed under another aided weight.
my breath has always rung heavy,
filtered in its taste of calluses.'

Good, good. I like the 'filtered in it's taste of call(o)uses'. Leaves something to the imagination, nothing wrong with that.

'on split open nights
like these,
i often wonder how many
tongues slip along the edge
of this tempered blade.

tied aprons and
wrinkled time.
our clothing soaked
in the same daily sweats
that moisten our every day.'

I didn't like the repetition of "daily", then "every day". Surely some other adjective could be in the place of "daily". Other than that, I like the abstract imagery I get from this. It's very nice to see this metaphor (if I'm reading into this correctly) of labor and love.

'a splintered guise
of equality,
leaves time cards like page numbers.
endless and empty.'

Sweet ending. You just shut the book on a good daily observation. The coolest thing was that the beginning was the end of the day, but excellent prose kept me into this until the thought was finished. Well done, I really like it.

8/10
Mother Earth is pregnant for the third time
For y'all have knocked her up.
I have tasted the maggots in the mind of the universe
I was not offended
For I knew I had to rise above it all
Or drown in my own shit.
#4
I like it, but there isn't a lot there. I feel like you're throwing images out there without really tying them into anything, so it's a little hard to wrap my head around this. It reads like some really good ideas that need something solid to tie it down.

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#6
for a guy whose favorite band is Pearl Jam, this is pretty solid.

But really, I thought this was a good conveyer of how frusturating it really is for some of us to force ourselves to be apart of society. I am now sure this is exactly what you meant by this piece Jared, but I got a strong sence of it. Getting through it is not easy, and I can't say I really have either, but if you have something to really hold onto in life that you dearly love, then don't ever let go, cause sometimes that may be all you have.

Good stuff Jared, as always. Mine new one should be on the front page somewhere.