#1
something small i wrote OTS out of boredom.
any comments will be appreciated.
cool.


Yesterday I saw her name
carved into a tree.
I knew she was neither the
artist nor the interest,
but I couldn't help feeling
like it was put there
just to vex me.
#2
Oh this was nice. Kinda feels lacking though. Like I don't know. I think you've fallen on the wrong side of the short poem risk in that it feels underdeveloped. Although I think the idea is clever, I liked the fourth line. I wish I had something more constructive to say but I don't know what to tell you to improve it except to expand it. Sorry this isn't really much, but I do like what you've laid out so far. Not bad.
#3
This could be the start of a very good work if you tweaked the wording a little bit and made it a tad more concise. Can't really go on much more then that, as all I feel when finished is "where's the rest?!"
#4
Thanks guys, that's exactly what I was hoping to get an answer to. This originally had been a stanza in another poem I was working on, but then I realized it didn't fit at all, so I guess wishful thinking made me hope it could stand alone. I'll try to get more on this. Hopefully soon.

Thanks again.

NGD... I know where yours is... I'll get to it soon.

Trisonic, my fellow 77... anything you want me to look at? Leave a link.
#5
i think it works fine on its own.

my only complaint is the whole
"name carved in a tree" thing.
it just seems pretty cliche to me.

but hey, i shouldn't talk.

I just want to sleep forever.