#1
"Just Tonight"



Sitting
here on the ground
It's been the closest place to home that I have found
Desolation, is where I used to be
Alone in this hollow world is all that i could see

Waiting
For love to take it's bite
You mustn't fancy everyone you have in sight
God let it be strike tears upon my grave
And I'll let you know if I still feel the same, if I still feel the same

[Chorus]
I'm alone now
And I feel my time has come
Last time I heard you speak I didn't feel so alone
My thoughts and feelings are spilling outside
Sometimes I wonder if I'll make it throught the night
Just Tonight

Watching
The clouds pass over head
God give me grace unto the tears that I have shed
Call it love or call it disbelief
I would of wanted more If it hadn't caused so much grief, caused so much grief

[Chorus]
I'm alone now
And I feel my time has come
Last time I heard you speak I didn't feel so alone
My thoughts and feelings are spilling outside
Sometimes I wonder if I'll make it throught the night
Just Tonight



Kinda short but it takes like a whole 2:50 when I play it. Comments would be much appreciated.
#3
Thank you. I know how I feel about it, I just want to know If it's good enough to take to the studio with. Always best to have a second hand opinion,
#4
"Just Tonight"


Sitting
here on the ground
It's been the closest place to home that I have found
Desolation, is where I used to be
Alone in this hollow world is all that i could see
I like the first 2 lines, but I've got a few problems with the last 2. First off, I think "Desolation" is a bit out of place. And I also think that the sudden change to past-tense doesnt really work here.

Waiting
For love to take it's bite
You mustn't fancy everyone you have in sight
God let it be strike tears upon my grave
And I'll let you know if I still feel the same, if I still feel the same
Call me an "American", but I don't think "fancy" fits here. Maybe "fall for", or something. And instead of "you have in sight", just "in sight" would be perfectly sufficient.

[Chorus]
I'm alone now
And I feel my time has come
Last time I heard you speak I didn't feel so alone
My thoughts and feelings are spilling outside
Sometimes I wonder if I'll make it throught the night
Just Tonight
While I like the flow of lines 4 and 5, 1-3 just seem to come from left field. Consistancy if your friend.

Watching
The clouds pass over head
God give me grace unto the tears that I have shed
Call it love or call it disbelief
I would of wanted more If it hadn't caused so much grief, caused so much grief
Not too bad, much cred.

[Chorus]
I'm alone now
And I feel my time has come
Last time I heard you speak I didn't feel so alone
My thoughts and feelings are spilling outside
Sometimes I wonder if I'll make it throught the night
Just Tonight


I like it, overall. BUT, there's some flow/consistancy issues that I think should be worked out. But you have the basis of a decent song.

crit4crit? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=11145406#post11145406
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^ Yep, that sounds about right.
#5
I agree with the fancy, but i just thesaurus'd "yearn for", how would that sound.

By the way Desolation is in that tense because I'm referring it to a place opposed to a state of mind. Like in the song I imagined desolation not only a state of mind or being, but a place. If you understand that.
#6
"Just Tonight"


Sitting
here on the ground
It's been the closest place to home that I have found
Desolation, is where I used to be
Alone in this hollow world is all that i could see

Waiting
For love to take it's bite
You mustn't yearn for everyone you have in sight
God let it be strike tears upon my grave
And I'll let you know if I still feel the same, if I still feel the same

[Chorus]
I'm alone now
And I feel my time has come
Last time you glanced at me I didn't feel so alone
My thoughts and feelings are spilling outside
Sometimes I wonder if I'll make it throught the night
Just Tonight

Watching
The clouds pass over head
God give me grace unto the tears that I have shed
Call it love or call it disbelief
I would of wanted more If it hadn't caused so much grief, caused so much grief

[Chorus]
I'm alone now
And I feel my time has come
Last time you glanced at me I didn't feel so alone
My thoughts and feelings are spilling outside
Sometimes I wonder if I'll make it throught the night
Just Tonight


Redone. Comment.
#9
not bad, not bad at all.

"Sometimes I wonder if I'll make it through the night
Just tonight"

i can picture humming or singing along in the future.
ok, yeah. my name is silly because I signed up when I was 13.

BEDBUGS
#10
Thank you. I was listening to alot of Post-182 (post Blink 182) while writing this song, so it kind of has an emotional tune to it. All in all it was a good achievement to finally finish a good song. More on the way.