#1
This is a poem I wrote last night that my band, Stiffy, is going to write music for.

It's Called "Stiffy's Attempt At Philosophy"

Crit for Crit

[Verse 1]
He walks the city streets and looks into the cracks of time
Memories of carelessness, thrown behind, back of the line
Nobody questions, no one wants to figure out just why
We forget how to be kids, become adults and die

[Verse 2]
He listens to the music, listens to the marching band
Wonders if he were younger, would life be better and grand?
He figures out that time has up and passed him right on by
He doesn’t question, doesn’t want to figure out why

[Chorus]
Time, it’s passed us faster than expected
Time, are we all somehow disconnected?

[Verse 3]
He watches the gold leaves all falling down from all the trees
But what did you expect? he could’ve counted them by threes
Life seems more than temporary when watching this commence
But it’s never looked so good, from here, the wrong side of the fence

[Chorus]
Time, it’s passed us faster than expected
Time, are we all somehow disconnected?

[Guitar Solo]


[Chorus]
Time, it’s passed us faster than expected
Time, are we all somehow disconnected?
ok, yeah. my name is silly because I signed up when I was 13.

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#2
I think you've got a lot of good prompts that you aren't following through on. I mean, if you look at philosophy, there are some incredibly radical ideas on time and you could make a killer song if you worked in some of those ideas. Right now it's just good, but it could be great.

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#3
Hey thanks for the crit, man. I really appreciate it. But yeah, I felt as if I wanted to go further with this, but then couldn't think of anything. Best to leave the audience guessing i suppose.
ok, yeah. my name is silly because I signed up when I was 13.

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