#1
Here's the beginning of a song I'm writing. To give you an idea of the music that's going along with it, it's in drop D, Black Sabbath-esque tempo, G7, C, D chord progression.

Few things consume like passion,
Makes everything fade and wither,
Nothing but blind devotion, fatal passion,
Consuming obsession, inflated attraction.

It deviates from the mind,
Leaves the brain detached and running,
Drags you on an unknown trail,
Are we ever in control?

It’s all that matters, this is my life,
I would trade nothing for this bit of strife,
My head’s spinning faster and faster,
Revolving around the only thing that matters.

Pull me down, drag me under,
Anything for what I love.
Take my life, cut it asunder,
Anything for the thing I love.

questions? Comments? Contructive critique?
#2
nice man, i like your placement of words, but it could be improved upon in some ways, but an awesome idea none the less dude! well done
Quote by chimneyfish
"death-metal is the best when its in the shape of a dildo and shoved in my ass"


Born to lose...
!!!!!!!!!!!!!
...live to Win
#3
Excellently written there. Wish my songs were that good. Shame I'm the only one in the band that can write anything.
When altitude dropping, my ears started popping. One more red nightmare...
#4
Quote by spider666
nice man, i like your placement of words, but it could be improved upon in some ways, but an awesome idea none the less dude! well done


I'm not a man, but thank you. How could it be improved?