#1
okay, so this isn't the first song i've ever written but it's one of the first i've liked.

losing you

sitting alone in my room on a Friday night
And I'm so far away from feeling right
And I'm sprawled out here trying to write again
But the TV gives off a distracting light
You would never have guessed in your life that I'd be this lonely
And you'd never have guessed in your life that I'd feel this empty.

Chorus:
Because I'm losing you
And that's not something that I want to do
But I'm losing you
And I'd never have thought, but it's true
I'm losing you

There are lots of things that I wanna say
Without you, I can hardly get through the day
We don't talk anymore, and I don't know why
And these thoughts in my head just won't go away
And I know if things were put right, I wouldn't be this lonely
And I know if we could get this right, I wouldn't feel this empty.

Chorus (But now I'm losing you...)

Why can't we get it right?
It's not worth a fight anymore
Feels like I'm in a room
And someone has locked all the doors
And now I'm gasping for air
I'm trying to look for the key
Cause I'm afraid if I can't
Get out, then you're just gonna leave

Chorus


...............................

any feedback would be appreciated!
#2
sounds like it could be a bullet for my valentine song

like they scream the (But now I'm losing you...) part all fast and ****

and the chorus would be emo
#6
Quote by eeller1

Chorus:
Because I'm losing you
And that's not something that I want to do <--- Take out the 'that' it reads poorly
But I'm losing you
And I'd never have thought, but it's true
I'm losing you



Other than that... sounds good. Not overly spectacular... but definitely would make a good song. I could almost hear this as an acoustic ballad style emo. It just has a feel for that in my head. Thanks for looking at my piece.

peace and coconuts,

-ZC