#1
Hey guys, crit my lyrics, its my first proper try at writing. Constructive Crit please.

Oh just rip my heart out already
But take it slow
I’ll keep the heart ache to myself
Just to focus on something else

I would love to take you out
And I’d love to walk you home
But I am afraid to say
That when you turn to me
I’ll be facing the other way
And you’ll be fine

Oh it’s nice to know you’re in good health
And still looking fine
You know that I’m crooked and torn
I smell the roses but I’m stabbed by the thorns

We are gonna ****ing dance tonight
And maybe something else
Last edited by ssssslash at Oct 19, 2007,
#2
Please give the rules the once over before you post another piece, I have edited it this time.

peACE
THW
Filth, pure filth... That's what you are.