#1
quaker else. haha....




the sublime that its had



Celery stalks can stand still,
distilled by the flowers smile
Three little birds stay still,
the morning is quiet...

the driveway's bath,
and peanut butter feasts
so disband your shoes,
and stir up the beast

the sky is empty
rising sun at birth
we spoke softly

and stopped the earth.


You can never fucking trust Canada when Canada decides to report on world news that doesn't concern Canada. Canada is only in it for Canada's sake. Canada doesn't even know Batman.

Fuck Canada
#2
I thought it was gonna be about sublime

anyway

It sure sounds nice... but i dont really know what it means. You might want to make it a little more clear.

Celery stalks can stand still,
distilled by the flowers smile

and i dont like the way distilled is right after still, but thats just my opinion

nice flowing little poem over all
c4c


Quote by ckellingc


So I threw a rock at her.

Fuck heelies.
Last edited by ChickMagnet41 at Oct 19, 2007,
#3
Hey man, I lurk around these boards every now and then and don't really post much. I enjoy coming to this S+L forum for various reasons. In any case, I really dig your poem. IMO, it seems a lot of people don't really understand that poems and lyrics don't always have to b so direct. But I really like yours, especially the line disband your shoes and stir up the beast. Great imagery. I guess people critique line by line but, I'm not gonna. Definitely put this to some music if you feel the urge to!
the cuervo gold / the fine columbian / make tonight a wonderful thing
#4
ya im not to sure i like the first verse part, but crit for crit so cerpintaxt ill crit yours if you gimme a link


You can never fucking trust Canada when Canada decides to report on world news that doesn't concern Canada. Canada is only in it for Canada's sake. Canada doesn't even know Batman.

Fuck Canada