#1
Poem: OTS.


She attempted a conversation
but it was poor, and didn’t hold my attention.
I was distracted by her shadow;
it moved with her, but it moved without her,
as if it did not much like staying still,
even if she was still. It looked much like
a shadow cast in the light of a candle
placed near an open window on a Winter’s night,
with moths confused, flying in circles.
I was a moth, then, confused, but not scared.
Her shadow was benign, although a little
mischievous. It would make rude gestures at me
and I would laugh and she would ask what was so funny.


I didn’t like her shadow much. When it was bored of her
it would attach itself to my feet with Velcro and mirror me,
accompanying me to the bars and clubs.

Now it tells me what to do. If it wants to go to the shops,
it’ll take me to the shops; if it wants to go to her house,
it’ll take me to her house. Life’s hard in the shadows.
#2
Dude, I like it! Real poetry doesn't seem too popular around here (people tend to ignore it when it's posted). I give Shadow Puppet a 9/10. I think it could be polished just a little more, but it's still awesome as it is.


Keep it up! :]
#3
I've been in that sort of a situation with a girl where it is everything that she wants and she will hardly ever give anything back in return. The best thing to do is stay far away from those kind of girls, but it can be hard to do, especially if they are hot or good in bed.

Anywho, i thought this was good for ots, but could be made in to something pretty solid if revised.
#4
This seems very different than what I'm used to be reading from you.

I did like it a lot. It seems very honest, and surprisingly straightforward. I thought that the strong point was your last stanza. However, like BJ suggested, with a bit of revising, this could become an even stronger piece.

In S1, I thought the last sentence was a little run-on. Maybe look onto that. Also, I feel unsure about the repetition of moth, but the more I read onto it, the more I like it this way. At first I would have suggested mixing up the two lines. Something like "I was amongst moths then, running circles (etc...)." right after the line ending with "winter's night".

in S2, I really didn't like the use of velcro. it seems to add a very juvenile touch to the poem, but that's probably just my references. it's my only complaints there.

Solid writing. Good job Mike, I'm glad you posted it. And good luck with girl in question, been in that situation before... You're going to need a ****load of determination. We're with you .