#1
First song ever and first post on UG C4C


From hell it comes
We know nothing can be done
armed the guns
there's nowhere to run
embrace the thrill
they need to kill
Lets hold hands
And just stand still

It came past defense
entered my mind
caused this war
to unwind
this deadly crime
possessed my soul
killed my family
heart it stole

a wave of genocide
nowhere to hide
appease the fear
nowhere to go
what we wanted to know
they would never show
their life is a gift
with a ribbon n bow

It came past defense
entered my mind
caused this war
to unwind
this deadly crime
possessed my soul
killed my friends
heart it stole

sanity was lost
insantiy was bred
but at what was the cost?
in which we lost our heads
It started long ago
in pain in which we faced
insane, we were misplaced
The hardships we embraced
**** the human race
let's just burn this goddamn place

It came past defense
entered my mind
caused this war
to unwind
this deadly crime
possessed my soul
killed my goddess
heart it stole
#2
I think it just rhymes a little too much; it's more of a poem than a song. And it's kinda' hard to connect with. It seems really out of touch with reality. It gives me a picture of a dark alien world full of hate and angst, and being attacked by alien mind possessing demons. Also, it gave me the impression that you were trying really, really hard to make it sound dark and evil. I mean dark/evil poem/songs are cool, I've got no problem with them, but there is a point where it becomes just too much. Not in the sense that it's too evil, but that you tried to hard. Writing a dark poem isn't just about using as many dark/evil words as you can, it's more about using words to paint a dark picture. Think about it this way: not even the darkest painting uses only black. In order to paint a picture you need more than on color, so when writing don't think of it as writing a dark or pretty poem, think of it as painting a picture; what is the story you want to create. And even if that picture is some sort of emotion, you still need more than one color to create it.


Anyway, keep writing and have fun with it. :]