#1
Alright so I wrote this song for my new band. This is my first song and wrote one day during class. C&C and I'll C&C one of your songs,provide a link.

You can't keep me down.
You won't bring me down.
No ****ing way.
Day by day, I'll always prosper
Never falter
Never giving in
No matter what
I will always win

This Heart
Is too strong
This Life
Will live long
This Heart
Is too strong
This Life
Will live long

You haven't won yet
You never will
With passion and hope
I will stand tall
And above all
And above everything
I know that
I know that

This heart
is too strong
Too ****ing strong
This life
will live long
Live ****ing long
This heart
is too strong
Too ****ing strong
This life
Will live long
Live ****ing long

This heart
is stronger than yours
This life
will live longer than yours


I know it's a bland and all.
I'm going to add more to the verses and add in one more verse but I just wanted to show everyone how the simple bland version is.
Last edited by BrokenxAlliance at Oct 20, 2007,
#2
Not bad! I don't know what genre your going for here but by the looks of it it seems like a rock/metal song. My preference usually doesn't include the use of swear words but I can see where your going with them. The part I really didn't like is the "This Life long" at the end of what seems to be the first chorus. It doesn't really make sense to me, almost like you left out a word. Good start though man.

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=695746
#3
well you've basically said what's wrong with it already soooo, ermm well, don't cuss as much. if you absolutely have to then do it in the last line of the song for impact or something. i don't get the "this life, will live long" in the 1st and 2nd choruses? it doesn't read well for me, i can't think of what you can put instead right now.

that's about it really, except add more to it! but you already knew that.

happy writing.
"And after all of this, I am amazed...

...that I am cursed far more than I am praised."
#4
It's a hardcore punk song.
It's one of the songs that's going to be passionate and emotionally charged.
That's why there's swear words because of rage. If I knew a way to go around it I will.

Ah the "Life live long" was a typo my bad.

Thanks both of you.

I'm writing more to it right now.