#1
ok... these are the lyrics...

In the morning when when your lying in your bed,
you look at the sky and you see that it is red,
theres a heap of ashes all over the floor,
you put em in a couldren and stir till ur sore....

stir the ashes, around and around and around,
stir the ashes, and put em' on the ground,
feel the fire its all nice and warm,
your a lyer, since the day that you were born.

theres people running outside theres bodies on the floor,
they all seem to hate me they all look in awe,
i sit on a bench which has no seat,
it's hurts to think and it's hard to breathe...

stir the ashes, around and around and around,
stir the ashes, and put em' on the ground,
feel the fire its all nice and warm,
your a lyer, since the day that you were born,
since the day that you were born,
since the day that you were born.


plz post and tell me if its any gd im only 13... and dont nick the lyrics plz.

oh and feel free to give me tips on writing lyrics in the future...

cheers,
nathan
#4
yer, i've got the music and it's really bad it's like all in the wrong key with my voice and stuff, and i wrote it about my grandad who had just died.
#5
My condolences for your grandfather's passing. For 13 y/o it's pretty good. I encourage you to put up music, as nobody will be quite harsh seeing as the inspiration behind the song is quite personal and sad to you. Go for it, bud.
#6
the inspiration behind the song is great and is put together very well for someone your age. The only thing i could suggest is that you may want to work on your rhyme scheme. While rhyming the first line with the second and the third with the four may work at time it can get a bit repeatative, and changing the rhyming is a relatively easy to set your song apart from other songs and really make it your own. Check one of my pieces and see what you think: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=766088&highlight=lullaby