#1
"In My Arms"

[Intro]
A tear fell from my eye
As I felt my heart crack
No matter how hard I try
I'll never earn your love back
We had something special
This can't be denied
I don't know why
You felt compelled to hurt me
I promised you the world
And I got heartbreak in return

[Solo]

You said you'd love me till death do us part
I'm still alive, baby
And you're no longer by my side
As the days go by, I'll try and stand tall
I'll tell myself I don't need you

[Solo]

To get through in all
But oh, how I wish
To fell the warmth of your sweet kiss
And how I long
For your sweet embrace
I'd give it all away
To have you in my arms again one day..

[Fade out]
My gear
Ibanez RG7321
Jackson Warrior WRXT *FS/FT*
Jasmine J35
Squier Fender P-Bass
Ibanez TBX150H
Crate 4x12
Fender Rumble 60


Part of UG's 7 STRING LEGION
#3
edit the post then

the only thing that got me was the first verse. how it rhymed for the first four lines ABAB, and then the pattern stopped. no rhyming is fine and all, so long as whole verses are like that. the first verse is kind of off imo, so i'd suggest either making it follow a pattern or making it not rhyme at all.

eg.

"A tear fell from my eye
As I felt my heart crack
No matter how hard I try
I'll never earn your love back
We had something for all to see
This can't be denied
Yet you felt compelled to hurt me
And I don't know why
I promised you the world
And I got heartbreak in return"

maybe?


but thats the only part that needs revising, the rest is pretty solid.
"And after all of this, I am amazed...

...that I am cursed far more than I am praised."