#1
This is my first set of lyrics and I think I'm going to title this "All Because of You" I think it fits the song well.. This is a rough copy of the songs lyrics.. please feel free to any constructive criticism, inputs, opinions I would appreciate it. Thanks!!!


Verse 1

Say hello then say goodbye
And I always wonder why
But it’s never easy just to understand
Though I stare I cannot see
If there’s something wrong with me
But you’re standing there holding out your hand

Pre-Chorus

No I never was alone, never fighting on my own
You found me and you’re calling out my name

Chorus

Because of you I’ll show my face
I’m no longer afraid
Cause you’ve found my hiding place
In this crowded masquerade
And I finally realize
I’ve seen your point view
Take off the mask and show my eyes
And it’s all because you

Verse

Can you find me in the crowd
Here I am I scream aloud
I can hear your voice ringing in my ear
And I now know where you are
You were never very far
I can see you and you’re standing oh so near

Pre-Chorus
Chorus

(Instrumental)

Ahh
(I’m no longer afraid)
Ahh
(It’s all because of you)

Chorus
Last edited by lstultz1010 at Oct 22, 2007,
#2
Verse 1

Say hello then its goodbye I would change "it" to "say"
And I always wonder why
But it’s never easy just to understand
Where’ve you gone I can not see I would change "Where you've gone" Maybe something like "Though you stare".If there’s something wrong with me
But you’re standing there holding out your hand

I really liked the rhyme scheme here. I just have a question. Does the "I cannot see" refer to "Where you;ve gone" or "if there's something wrong"?
Pre-Chorus

No I never was alone, never fighting on my own
You found me and you’re calling out my name

Chorus

Because of you I’ll show my face
I’m no longer afraid
Cause you’ve found my hiding place
In this crowded masquerade
And I finally realize
I’ve seen your point view
Take off the mask and show my eyes
And it’s all because you

I like the chorus and the ideas but I think it could use some rearranging/rewording.
Maybe something like.
So, I will show my face
'Cause I have nothing to fear
Since you found my hiding place
In this crowded masquerade
As you come into view
I finally realize
That I must take off the mask
And look with my own eyes



Verse

Can you find me in the crowd
Here I am I scream aloud I would change to something like "Here I am dreaming out loud.
I can hear your voice ringing in my ear
And I now know where you are
You were never very far
I can see you and you’re standing oh so near
I liked this verse and I could feel that there was a lot of emotion in it.

Pre-Chorus
Chorus
(Instrumental)

Ahh
(I’m no longer afraid)
Ahh
(It’s all because of you)

Well, I thought it was solid enough and I'm hoping to read more from you.

Crit mine please
Angelic Mongrel
#3
the cannot see could go both ways honestly i was leaning it more towards the "Where you've gone...I cannot see if there's something wrong with me" i'm not sure.. this was quickly written and i'm just hoping to get some advice from other people to really like this piece. thanks and i'll be sure to crit yours later this evening