Rough draft of this song. Planning on re recording the drums and bass. Just wanting some feedback on it. So any comments or suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks



I've got demons in my stomach
Angels in my mind
Dancing all around
Singing all in time
Mix my simple fears with laughter
My strongest hate with love
I've gone and lived my life it's not enough

I've got your picture in my head
It's drilled through both my eyes
Are you really here, with me tonight
Well my heart is slowly failing
Losing all its blood
You can play the doctor
I'll just watch

Could I sing a simple song for you tonight
Would your feet follow the sound of my voice
Well I'm so alone in here tonight
I miss the fire in your eyes
man this song is sounding great im really liking it. umm suggestions...put in vocal harmonies theyd do it great justice and add another dimention to the sound, mabye a little leady guitar part, something like the solo in roulette from system of a down but keep the momentum of the song moving. keep everything tight with the recordings. And dont forget the 25 minute shred solo with 14 guitars, 5 keyboards and a triple kick pedal on drums. lol jks
but yeh vocal harmonies and a little bit of lead, just anything that will give it more dimention to the sound.
Yeah I was thinking there needed to be some harmonies and lead also to make it more interesting. Thanks for the suggestion.
i love the lyrics to this song man, and yea there does need to be some vocal harmonies, even if its just some "ooohs" and "hmmms" etc. i don't think there really needs to be a lead guitar, personally i think it would ruin the calmness and sadness of the song. but thats just me, you may hear it differently.
Who decided that pie would be sold on Tuesday but not Wednesday?
Thanks for the comment. Probably just some simple bends and a few riffs nothing fancy is what i was thinking. And yea deffinately something more to the vocals.
I liked the bass part, that really shone through in the intro. The drums could probably be mixed in a bit better, but nbd since it is a rough draft. I liked the words; your voice is decent, better than mine anyway ^_^ The guitar part was nice, it wasn't amazing or anything but it fit pretty well; It's clear that this a lyric based song. Overall I really enjoyed this song, reminded me of something by the Goo Goo Dolls or something(in the good way ^_^)

Crit me?

Kick ass voice! Very pleasing to listen to, and great lyrics. Song was great and I agree with putting vocal harmonies in. I really enjoy how calm the song is without feeling boring at all. Also, the recording quality is really nice.

Great job, make more!
yea it sounds pretty good.

real drums would be cool.
sounds good over all though
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That was beautiful man, really. I usually hate this kinda stuff but this was a really good listen. The only thing it needs is maybe a nice clean, twangy, and soulful guitar solo soaked with reverb. That would be delicious. Could you check out my song man? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=702896