#1
crit for crit (y)

Little boy wont you tell me your name
I promise you’ll be all right,
Just hold my hand
Ill pray to god
We will make it through the night.

I know you’re scared
But stick close,
Im here to help you out,
You’ve seen too much now your eyes are closed
An in your mind there’s doubt,

Trust me, soon you’ll be all right again
(Im sending you an angel,)
Little boy I know you’re scared,
(Im sending you an angel,)
Hold my hand an step outside
(Im sending you an angel,)

There’s nothing left inside your head
But dreams and memories,
And the things they whispered in you ear
When you were hard to please

Now you’re living every day as your last
Since she walked away,
(Subtle reminders your past,)
Notes on the subway
The maps, shows stations that,
(past through together)
Daggers are memories
(Bring you hostile weather)

But you’re living every day as your last,
Reminded of the past,
But soon you’ll be all right again,
Close your eyes and count to ten.
LORD V4DER wrote:

Maybe when Randy Rhoads, Kurt Kobain, Jimmy Hendrix and Dimebag Darrel come back to life and tell me to begin at the end, I'll listen. Until then I'll do things as I please.
#2
I like that, with an acoustic guitar strumming chords in the background, some synth sounds and an emotional electric guitar solo, that will be awesome My only idea is in:

I know you’re scared
But stick close,
Im here to help you out,
You’ve seen too much now your eyes are closed
An in your mind there’s doubt,

change the second line to:

But stick close by,

Other than that, I have no further thoughts for you.
Quote by uvq
yeah fire him secretly... thats what im doing except im firing myself and secretly joining someone elses band

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If you get a virus by looking at porn, is it considered a sexually-transmitted disease?

Quote by DiveRightIn63
thanks for the compliment man!
#3
Quote by hippy82
crit for crit (y)

Little boy wont you tell me your name -I dunno... 'Won't you' as a grammatical construct sounds clichéd
I promise you you’ll be all right,
Just hold my hand 'Just' is a big ol' filler and filler is a big ol' no-no.
Ill pray to god
We will make it through the night.

I know you’re scared
But stick close,
Im here to help you out,
You’ve seen too much now your eyes are closed
An in your mind there’s doubt, This sounds stymied. You'd say 'there's doubt in your mind', usually.

Trust me, soon you’ll be all right again
(Im sending you an angel,)
Little boy I know you’re scared,
(Im sending you an angel,)
Hold my hand an step outside
(Im sending you an angel,)

There’s nothing left inside your head
But dreams and memories,
And the things they whispered in you ear
When you were hard to please I like this stanza, it really conjures up a powerful image.

Now you’re living every day as your last CLICHÉ.
Since she walked away,
(Subtle reminders your past,) Umm... No real grammatical sense to this line.
Notes on the subway
The maps show stations that,
(you passed through together)
Daggers are memories
(They bring you hostile weather)

But you’re living every day as your last,
Reminded of the past,
But soon you’ll be all right again, 'Soon' is pretty filler-y.
Close your eyes and count to ten.Nice ending.


Sorry to be so harsh on things. I liked some parts quite a bit.