this song i wrote about a month or so ago, and me and my band play it... it's a little out of our comfort zone cause it's a slow acoustical song, but everyone seems to like it

i was just wondering if i could get some reviews and comments, and mayeb suggestions

i have heard that there seems to be too many la's in it,but when people hear it they say it sounds fine

but w.e here's the link to it

I like it. On paper it does seem like to many la's, but the melody probably makes it sound fine. Good lyrics. Only thing I see is that "and of the lives that lost their dreams" seems almost too long. That said, it is a very good line, and the rest of the lyrics are as good. Nice job.

Link to mine is in my sig, if you would be so kind as to look at it.
"Notes are expensive. . .use them wisely"-B.B. King

"It's been very important throughout my career that I've met all the guys I've copied, because at each stage they've said, 'Don't play like me, play like you."-Eric Clapton
Quote by Rhythm Hippy
sounds deep, bro, but i gotta here it... u got a mp3 or a link or somethin?

nope... i haven't finished the song the yet completely. I'm still trying to put together an intro to it... i'll have one up maybe in a week if i get around to it
How about "and lives that lost their dreams"? Other than that I think it's great. After all, I am a Merchant Sailor.