#1
Hey guys, I'm new. I just came up with this off the top of my head as I sat hear. It is about Chronic Urticaria. I have it. It sucks... Please don't be too harsh.


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The pain grabs hold and won't let go
I won't let it take me under, though
Because I know that it will happen again
And that it will one day take me from within

No point in tears
But I'm stuck with this curse for years
Deep inside, where it lurks and hides
Then it takes my body, my dear

Misunderstanding of my life
Why does this curse slice like a knife?
Strikes again, and with it flows sorrow
As I close my eyes, no hope for tomorrow

No point in tears
But I'm stuck with this curse for years
Deep inside, where it lurks and hides
Then it takes my body, my dear

Days go on, and I wanna give up
It seems simply my life isn't good enough
It wants more, this monster inside of me
It wants more, till I can no longer see

No point in tears...

Take my vision
Take my feeling
Take everything that I give meaning
Take my hearing
Take my sight
Why can't you just leave me alone tonight?
Again and again, till I've had enough
But I must remember what I cannot hear
Dealing with this disease makes one tough
But I don't see the point in tears...
#2
wow, this is pretty tragic. not necessarily because its super well written, but because it's something you're actually living with.

i don't have many crits except that i would advise to let go of the rhyming scheme. a lot of your rhymes seem kind of forced.

by the way, what is chronic urticaria?
#3
It's like... Well, chronic hives. Sometimes I will wake up in the morning and be covered from head to foot. And my god, the itching. Yeah, like I said, it was off the top of my head, so it isn't gonna be that great. I am hopped up on so many pills for it, lol. Type it into google images, and you can see it.
#5
Quote by hope's downfall
oh my god, it looks awful. sorry, man...


If I'm stuck with it for 20 years, I need to get over it, ya know? That's kinda what the song was about: getting over it. Thanks though! I appreciate it!
#6
Not bad work. The topic I think is good, and it really sucks that you have that disease. And as hope's downfall said, the rhyming seems to be forced. Play with the lyrics and see if you can make the rhyming more natural. Not a bad effort, though. And kudos to you for writing a song about a disease you have and your desire to get over it.
"Notes are expensive. . .use them wisely"-B.B. King

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