#1
wrote this on the spot. it really has no purpose but to take up a few minutes of my time...critique if you like... or not. c4c if you feel so inclined.

inspirational cliches
or
lies i tell myself in order to become a better person



life is beautiful

all the money in the world could never buy happiness.
and even if it could, you wouldnt need it.
the best things are free, remember?
(just don't say that to families living on the street)

anything is possible

beauty is just an illusion, a distraction from the truth.
its your heart that really counts, as everyone knows.
and hey, love is blind, right?
(i like you, but i don't like like you)

time heals all wounds

you can achieve anything that you set your mind to.
dreams come true all the time, all over the world.
nothing is impossible if you believe!
(so if you fail, it means you didn't really try)

jesus loves me

love wins
(only where it exists)
you can't judge a book by its cover
(though they most likely reflect whats inside)
there's good deep inside of everyone
(some people just hide it very well)
treat others the way you want to be treated
(and they'll start walking all over you)
believe in yourself.
(and promote blind faith)
you are a special person.
(ha. way too easy...)


i know its very rough. its meant to be read more like prose than a poem or lyrics, if that helps...
#3
Oh my god, the irony is lovely.

Not sure it's much of a song or anything, but it's a lovely collection you have. Great work.
My iPod could do that in like 5 seconds.
#5
I really liked this.


Quote by hope's downfall
life is beautiful

all the money in the world could never buy happiness.
and even if it could, you wouldnt need it.
the best things are free, remember?
(just don't say that to families living on the street)
This was very true. I do not spy anything wrong in this.

anything is possible

beauty is just an illusion, a distraction from the truth.
its your heart that really counts, as everyone knows.
and hey, love is blind, right?
(i like you, but i don't like like you)
I didn't really like the last line here, i was expecting something else, i did like the rest of this though.

time heals all wounds

you can achieve anything that you set your mind to.
dreams come true all the time, all over the world.
nothing is impossible if you believe!
(so if you fail, it means you didn't really try)
I didn't spot anything here.

jesus loves me

love wins
(only where it exists)
you can't judge a book by its cover
(though they most likely reflect whats inside)
I liked this one and the one below the best from all of these good job.
there's good deep inside of everyone
(some people just hide it very well)
treat others the way you want to be treated
(and they'll start walking all over you)
believe in yourself.
(and promote blind faith)
you are a special person.
(ha. way too easy...)
I liked each of these lines, they where all really good, the only thing is that, to me, it was not very visually appealing because of how close together is.


overall this was very good, loved the irony. good job.


c4c?
Reaction to Fire: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=11245233#post11245233
#6
hey guys thanks for the crits.

foundation, i agree with you about the last line in the second stanza. i dont really like that one... actually i'm shocked that you all were so positive about this. i kind of think this is crap...
#7
I'd switch the 2nd and 3rd stanza around. Based on the one liners, I think that makes more sense. Or I guess too, just change the 2nd and 3rd one liners around since there really isn't any storyline you'd have to follow.

Do love the idea of the piece. And I think, as you re-write it and make it a little tighter, maybe add in some subtle rhyming, I think you could have one damn good piece.

Here's mine: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=697671

(that is if anything of what I said above makes any sense and you feel like telling me something good about mine)
LISTEN:
A Myspace introduction to:

LEARN:
It's not always rainbows and butterflies,
It's compromise that moves us along. -- Maroon 5