#1
Hark, The choir Sing


The matchstick cross,
Of the judgemental god that you made,
Cold shouldered vendetta,
Eyes smoking asthma,
Tossing turning insane,
Let me sleep so negative,
Creep flowers a bud so pretty,
So brave yet buried so deep,
Ignore the smile, go for the face,
Roll on over, smother me,
The Angel without a place,

Here's the church, and here's the steeple,
Open the door and see all the people.
Here's the parson going upstairs,
And here he is saying his prayers,

The matchstick cross,
Of the judgmental god that you made,
Nothing left to protest,
Milky faced so plain,
Black burnt wisdom enrage,
Crying for the funeral,
Creep flowers a bud so pretty,
So brave yet buried so deep,
Ignore the smile, go for the face,
Roll on over, smother me,
The Angel without a place,

Here's the church, and here's the steeple,
Open the door and see all the people.
Here's the parson going upstairs,
And here he is saying his prayers.
And Like That. He was Gone.

My Lyrics

Love
#2
First of all let me say that I really liked this piece. The two opening lines of the verses were great and "Cold shoulder vendetta" is another good one. The piece had some nice imagery through out it. However I would change "Roll over, smother me" to "Come here, suffocate me". I think that sounds a little darker and I definitely got a dark tone from this piece. Also in the second verse I would change "Milky faces so plain" to something. The line just sounded kind of awkward. I suggest that you try to add a line that rhymes with the "protest" line or at the very least a line that does NOT rhyme with "made/enrage". Also I think you the chorus could use some reworking. It didn't sound bad, but it lacked the dark emotion that the verses had. Anyways, nice job and keep it up.

Crit mine please
Angelic Mongrel
#3
actually i quite liked this song twisted lyrics to a simple yet complex meaning good work if anything i think u should of rhymed it every second line for the chorus only like this
Here's the church, and here's the steeple,
Here's the parson going upstairs,
Open the door and see all the people.
And here he is saying his prayers,
it makes it confusing so that only people the actually take interest understand very good