#1
Hey there, this is really me first try at writing. i knocked this up last week whilst in the lake district. Living in a more built up area, it was very spiritual in the way that it was sort of an escape
Anyways, Here it is:

Lots of things to curse about, nothing to feel in or out
It’s all in the brain
TO trust to care to feel to love, the breeze of morning, drink it in
It’s all in the brain

It’s the end this term, regime or scar. Time to disperse far and far
It’s all in the name
An allotted time to break the mould, till the man the lord made good
It’s all in the name

Today’s a new fresh start
Of a wonderful yet cruel art
The iron garden to lock us in
But the green open to unlock within
This is my, salute to you
I hope we can, battle it through
Tomorrows end, suburbia
I needed this, I need you near.

(break)

I’ve heard of this, the midterm break, the two man dot, on a white parade
I’ve lost the game
A simple word, a bad mistake, I’m glad I can, take my stakes
I’ve lost the game

A trek this night, to clear my thoughts, some needed care and support
To relieve this pain
I feel the darkness reach my brain, a fight is what the devil trains
To relieve this pain

Today’s a new fresh start
Of a wonderful yet cruel art
The iron garden to lock us in
But the green open to unlock within
This is my, salute to you
I hope we can, battle it through
Tomorrows end, suburbia
I needed this, I need you near

[then i would probably repeat the first verse or something, any help greatly appreciated]
#3
Thanks, but i'd prefer a proper 'critique'. Constructive critism and the like. Not to down your post although, muchos thanks
#4
Aish man, give him a break he just joined.


As for my critic, I can't be ****ed to read anything at the moment.
#6
Quote by confusius

As for my critic, I can't be ****ed to read anything at the moment.


Can you be arsed now?