#1
Lol, an intriguing idea of mine.. write a song about a song I wrote back in the days of mediocre composing skills lol hahaha.. So yeah... pleeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaase give me some feedback

It's called "The Song I Wrote About You", and ity goes something like this... (bear in mind, it's supposed to be obscenely simple..)

The Song I Wrote About You

If you hear the song
That I wrote about you,
Will you..
Throw your arms around me
The way you used to?

If you hear the song
That I wrote about you,
Will you..
Break down in tears?


If you hear the song
That I wrote about you,
Will you..
Tap your foot..
And enjoy the tune?

Or if you hear the song
That I wrote about you,
Will you..
Just stand up..
And leave the room?


I know I said bad things
About you, but..
None of that
Was ever true...

'Coz I loved everything
There is about you..
And that's why
I still care for you..


If you hear the song
That I wrote about you,
Will you..
Throw your arms around me
The way you used to?

If you hear the song
That I wrote about you,
Will you..
Break down in tears?
Is it weird that I named my guitar Emily???

"Yeah, Strats can often produce a lot of hum. The cure is to turn it up a whole crapload" - Joel
#3
the whole topic is really a cliche and is too pedictible . Although ur flow is good but use some orignal images
Hi
#4
Pretty alright flow through the song. But i agree, it's a bit on the cliche side. Some of the verses are a bit wrong too, some have an extra line etc.

...

Crit Mine
Last edited by thellamaking at Oct 29, 2007,
#5
soryr not to critique i guess i'm getting tired tonight.. but uhh i'll give you a short one the flow was very good, i enjoyed the repetition, doing good repetition is hard to make it sound good and not boring and repetitive i agree with abish seems kind of cliche in some parts.

'Coz I loved everything
There is about you..
And that's why
I still care for you..

this part sounds a bit funny to me doesnt seem to dish out. bit meshed togeather

and it is a bit strange to name your guitar emily does it have any significance or is it just a random name you thought it would be funny to name your guitar
It's not stalking to watch her sleep if she fell asleep watching a movie.
a silly wind
(\__/)
(='.'=) LoNg LivE tHe BunNy!
(")_(")
#6
Lol Emily is the name of an old friend of mine. And I dunno, it just seemed to fit the guitar for some reason lol.

Some of the verses are a bit wrong too, some have an extra line etc.

Nar it seems weird on paper, but it fits in the song

Well thanks for the comments
Is it weird that I named my guitar Emily???

"Yeah, Strats can often produce a lot of hum. The cure is to turn it up a whole crapload" - Joel
#8
I like it a lot.....you've taken a subject that as of yet I have not seen used....writing a song about another song you've written!!......i think it's a great idea.....something about this- "If you hear the song
That I wrote about you,
Will you..
Tap your foot..
And enjoy the tune?" stands out to me most......i think the way it was written is extremely good......but as I say it's the new subject choice that appeals this song to me most.....well done .....

Dan
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#10
i think it's not bad...but kinda boring. like nothing new or special...but i guess if the song to it is good enough that doesn't really matter.