#1
Poem. OTS.


They saw our bodies, sticks and bones,
piling out the ground.
They saw our eyeballs, dull and dead,
staring into space.
They saw our mouths, bruised and torn,
scream without a sound.
They saw our hair, tattered and frayed,
blowing in our faces.

They saw our houses, demolished and gone,
rubble without a name.
They saw our dreams, evaporated,
carried in the wind.
They saw our tactics, devious and crude,
to cheat at their own game.
They saw our Gods, uncaring and crass,
knowing we had just sinned.

They saw tomorrow, dark and brooding,
coming out to get them.
They saw the darkness, overpowering,
destroying the peaceful light.
They saw our bodies, sticks and bones,
looked at us with shame.
They saw nightmares come to life,
to take them into the night.
#2
Well if anything this will at least be a bump for you. I personally didnt like this because you never help the reader figure out who they is. I was expecting you to have a conclusion stanza but you didnt and i think that hurt the piece. without that i think its boring and rather pointless.

if that qualifies for a short comment on mine https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=701476