#1
This is a very rough draft. I tried to break it up the way it's meant to be sang. The chorus right after "the words I spoke" seems out of place and repetitive to me but I just used it to break up the perspectives in the song, I'll probably change it but anyways; What do you guys think? *note* made some changes after the first critique

If we always want
What we can’t have
Then you are a priceless artifact
You are our youth
You are our happiness, our hope

(chorus)
But you will
burn on
You will
Never be forgotten

And I had a dream last night
When I awoke I began to write
“Brother may I speak through you?”
“Mother may I speak to you?”
I am still very much alive
It’s through all of you that I thrive

(chorus)
And
I will
Burn on
I will
Never be forgotten

Please take to heart
The words that I have spoken

(solo/either piano or guitar not sure yet)
(chorus)
And you will
Burn on
You will
Never be forgotten

For every bottom
Of every bottle
We’ve ever hit together
For every movie we’ve left unfinished
For every fight forgiven
Because every moment with you
Was a moment worth living
Burn bright
You are the endless summer night
You are the reason we still fight
Last edited by zlink16 at Oct 31, 2007,
#2
there are some good lines here, especially "fight forgiven" and, the first.. stanza i guess. The first stanza or set of lines was the best, I think. If maybe you could rework the rest, and break it up where the choruses are so its easier to tell, so it flows together better, because right now it just seems kind of sloppy. And remember, ALWAYS end on your strongest note, this song just kind of goes out with a pop... rework your ending.
what comes up comes out