#1
Like a boat out on a sea
Like a boat out on a sea
That’s never troubling me
As ever I am free
Free from all the pain
The boat begins to fade
Fade into the night
Fade away from sight

Clouds begin to shift
Skin is getting stiff
I will never die
I will never die

You can never see
What’s troubling me?
Like the storms, the reeves, the winds
My life is like a book
Chapter after chapter
A travel without end


Twenty nights of sorrow
One more night tomorrow
When will I be gone?
When will I be gone?
Drinking to forget
What a bad person I am
Drinking to forget
What a horrible world it is




So, give me opinions...
#2
I think it's a very good effort, there's a nice metaphor of the storm but I think 'skin is getting stiff' could maybe be changed. Just my £0.02
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#3
Quote by Bullet-Rule
I think it's a very good effort, there's a nice metaphor of the storm but I think 'skin is getting stiff' could maybe be changed. Just my £0.02


Yeah I really don't know about this lyrics... it's quite weird and was written under the influence of Jim Morrison.....
#4
Quote by Izz
Like a boat out on a sea
Like a boat out on a sea
That’s never troubling me
As ever I am free
Free from all the pain
The boat begins to fade
Fade into the night
Fade away from sight

I think that this is a weak start. But we'll see where it goes

Clouds begin to shift
Skin is getting stiff
I will never die
I will never die

meh nothing special

You can never see
What’s troubling me?
Like the storms, the reeves, the winds
My life is like a book
Chapter after chapter
A travel without end


Twenty nights of sorrow
One more night tomorrow
When will I be gone?
When will I be gone?
Drinking to forget
What a bad person I am
Drinking to forget
What a horrible world it is


I think that this part makes the piece ok



So, give me opinions...


its very vague and repetitive. You may want to consider more description and/or continuing your ship metaphor more

c4c http://w9.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=701476
#5
Clouds begin to shift
Skin is getting stiff
I will never die
I will never die

i felt that that sounded connected to the first paragraph, for some reason they seem to go together and the repetition of i will never die twice would make a nice ending for the first verse.. just my opinion i'm a noob at this so don't listen to me..

C4C?https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=702416